When I Need You
by ThatWildWolf
Summary: She's always there for him when he needs it - just as much as he's always there for her, even when both of them try to deny it. Doctor/Sarah fluff with bits of drama and no concept of chronology.
1. TABLE OF CONTENTS

**=TABLE OF CONTENTS=**

(If you just want to read the fanfic, ignore this author's note and jump to the next chapter)

Hello! I'm guessing you're new here! Please, do keep on reading. You have? Great, thanks! Before you go read this fanfic, I just wanted to inform you that this is a series of one-shots: each chapter is a separate story. The stories are not connected in any way other than the fact that they're centred around the same pairing. Now, you can either go and read all of them (in which case simply jump forward to the next chapter and ignore this update) or use this table of contents here to make it easier for you to pick what you want to read!

Below each chapter number, I will write which Doctor it stars (obviously, along Sarah Jane) and where it fits into canon. This way, you can choose whatever you find interesting and read that! Isn't it smart?

 **Chapter 1**

This is, obviously, this.

 **Chapter 2**

Fourth Doctor  
Takes place during Sarah Jane's travels with him.

 **Chapter 3**

Tenth Doctor  
Takes place during _Doomsday._

 **Chapter 4 [Christmas special]**

Eleventh Doctor  
Takes place during _The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe._

 **Chapter 5**

Either 5th or 6th Doctor, it's up to you to decide  
Set somewhere between _K-9 and company_ and _The Five Doctors_.

 **Chapter 6**

Ninth Doctor  
Leads directly into _Rose._

 **Chapter 7**

Fourth Doctor  
Takes place during Sarah Jane's travels with him.

 **Chapter 8**

Twelfth Doctor  
An alternative version of _A Deep_ _Breath._

 **Chapter 9**

Eleventh Doctor  
Set between _Angels Take Manhattan_ and _The Snowmen._

 **Chapter 10**

Tenth Doctor  
Alternate ending of _The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith._

 **Chapter 11**

Twelfth Doctor  
Takes place during _Hell Bent_.


	2. Chapter 2

**EDIT 24.01.2017: I've been told that the first chapter is bad. Repeatedly. So if you're new here, don't worry, the rest is better.**

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 **A/N: Just so you know, this is my first time ever writing romance, so don't be too harsh.**

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Sarah Jane Smith was not happy.

It happened quite often that she and the Doctor would return from an adventure in outer space (quite possibly after having saved a whole planet from destruction) and she would just fall onto her bed and fall asleep immediately, but it didn't happen all that often that she was left so emotionally spent after it.

It wasn't that it had been particularly devastating in an emotional sense, or that she and the Doctor didn't get along well recently. Oh no, things have been amazing between them, by all means. Travelling through time and space was very thrilling - in a positive way - too, and she wouldn't have missed it for the world. Everything was honky dory.

Still, Sarah Jane was not happy.

She didn't know what exactly it was. Was it about just simply being fed up with all of that? About how much pain and suffering she saw on daily basis now? No, that couldn't be it. They set things right almost every time, and the Doctor made sure every day was memorable in some good way. He could be really creative when the need arose: from a picnic on Metebilis to a (rather romantic) candle-lit dinner on Darillium, he always knew what to do to make her forget about all the bad stuff. He was still quite the romantic - not as much as in his previous body, but still rather unexceptionally, though you had to look through his superficial demeanour to notice. Still the same old Doctor - she would think when, sometimes, he slipped - just in new casing. Better at hiding emotions. She didn't get him. There was nothing wrong in showing how much he cared, was there?

Sarah Jane sighed, kicking a metal tin lying on the road. She looked around, but there was no one else in sight. _Figures_ , she thought. Not that she particularly expected to see many people walking about in the middle of a work day, but it just made the whole setting even more so uncomfortable. Amazing. Was it coming to this that she considered a normal day in a normal place more uncomfortable than finding herself in the middle of some alien conflict thousands of light years away from Earth? It wasn't that she was weird. She just had a sort of complex life, that's all.

"Oh yeah, did I mention I travel through time?" She snorted mockingly, pulling the key to her house out of her pocket. "In a _telephone box_?" Yeah, good luck with that. Goodbye, any potential relationships.

She frowned as the key wouldn't turn. She tried again, but for nothing. Quickly checking her pocket, she managed to identify the problem. There were at least five other keychains in there. Frowning, she decided to take care of it later. Maybe label them: 'home', 'locker', 'time machine', something like that. For now, she just wanted to get inside and have a nice cup of tea. Preferably hot.

The third key she tried turned out to be the one, which at least saved her the trouble of recognising which one was for the house.

She pushed the door open, slipped inside and shut the door behind her. Closing her eyes, she let out a breath of relief. Home, at last. As much as she loved travelling, it was good to know there was a place she belonged. Even if it was just this little place in Croydon, it was fine. It was cosy... -ish. At least there was room for two people, and with how she spent most time with the Doctor anyway, it was good enough. Her aunt had talked about moving away before, but they never really took it seriously.

Sarah slumped down on the couch in front of the small television monitor. She sighed as she noticed a post-it-note on the coffee table. She took it to see what it said.

 _Sarah Jane,_

She smiled lightly at that. Yes, the Doctor _was_ the only person who actually called her 'Sarah', but he did it to the extent that she actually thought about herself that way now.

 _I don't know if you're going to return from your crazy travels anytime soon, but just so you know, I'm back in America. I'll return in October, if you intend on staying home that long._

 _Love,  
_ _Lavinia_

Sarah found herself grinning. Although her aunt pretended she was against her adventurous life, she actually approved of it, even more so after Sarah had introduced her to the Doctor to convince her he isn't some kind of lunatic. (It had taken Sarah some time to talk him into dressing more like a normal person for the occasion.) But the most crucial reason, she thought, why she wasn't in much trouble with her aunt about the whole her breezing around thing was that she didn't give many details as to where exactly the journeys took her. 'Oh yes,' Sarah would say. 'We were in Italy just the other week.' She just wouldn't mention that it was 15th century Italy and that they were chasing after an alien threat to all of humanity. Once you've gone through the initial confusion, it was quite easy to tell apart the stuff that was safe to talk about from the stuff which was... well, the stuff which was _not_.

But, looking at it from a completely non-subjective point of view, the note also meant that she had the whole house for herself. A typical girl her age would probably marvel at the opportunity to hold a party or simply invite some friends over. Sarah Jane Smith, however, was not a typical girl.

She thought about what to do now. She supposed she could do some of the work Alistair had assigned her, but she wasn't very eager on that. It was mostly boring paperwork and the journalist inside her rebelled against making printed word a formality. Technically, she didn't even work for UNIT, so it wasn't her responsibility to prepare forms to fill in. And, after all, she could always blame the Doctor. Sarah gave an amused huff. That explanation wouldn't actually be very far from the truth as to why she didn't finish her work on time.

She noticed another piece of paper lying on the table. This one was a letter addressed to her. Sunday Times. She gave the letter a strange look, which technically wasn't directed to the letter itself (but due to the lack of anyone else in the room, it had to do). She had better things to do now than writing articles to a mundane paper. Again, she marvelled at how her life turned upside down since she's met the Doctor. She didn't even consider _opening_ the envelope, although a year ago she would be thrilled at the opportunity to do so.

Funny, she didn't feel so tired anymore. What can you do when you're a time traveller stranded at home with no means of entertaining yourself other than the conventional ones?

In the end, she decided to at least pretend she was a normal person and spend the rest of the day watching television. She found a dusty pack of Jelly Babies on the bottom of some drawer in the kitchen. It didn't look terrifyingly old, so she decided it would do as a temporary snack. Playing a cassette with her favourite episodes of _The Newcomers_ on it, she settled onto the couch, a mug of tea in one hand and the packet of jellies in the other. The sweets seemed somewhat stale, but she decided not to pay it much attention, instead taking almost demonic pleasure in decapitating the figures.

 _Die, gelatine creatures,_ she thought as she munched the jellies. A smile crept onto her lips. Just how much spending so much time with the Doctor was affecting her? She waved it off. Being cruel to Jelly Babies wasn't a symptom of insanity. Not yet, at least. She reckoned she would notice if she was losing it.

oooOOO~OOOooo

Sarah bit her lip in silent anticipation as the Doctor pointed his sonic screwdriver at the lock to the cell she was being kept in.

"Might want to stand back," he warned her. She gave him a heavy look.

" _Where_?"

A spark of amusement lit up in his eyes. "You've got a point, I suppose." There you have the Doctor: making fun of little things like that, even whilst in mortal danger.

"Oh, just shut up." Sarah groaned and winced as the futuristic lock on the door exploded, sparks bursting in her direction.

"Alright," he grabbed her hand with his trademark troublemaker's grin. "Now for the running."

It had been three hours since the TARDIS landed on an alien spaceship which the Doctor, much to his horror, recognised as one used by the Cybermen. For better or worse, it had turned out that they were actual Mondasians from before the cyber revolution. (There you have the beauty of time travel.) It didn't make them any less hostile, though, and it was just by luck that the Doctor avoided getting captured as well.

It had just hurt Sarah that, once again, he had to rescue her. Sometimes she wondered why he even bothered having her around if she was so much of a burden. It also didn't feel nice to know that, without the Doctor and his wondrous Time Lord technology (not to mention the wondrous-ness of the Doctor himself) she was just useless. She couldn't even escape from captivity. Even more, she couldn't even avoid being captured.

Maybe she wasn't fit for all of that after all.

But then the Doctor dragged her along the enormous spaceship in search of the TARDIS, and she didn't have any more time to think as she just ran by his side. She trusted him completely and knew that they would be safe in a matter of minutes, no matter what he might say.

Sure enough, they reached the safety of the ship without any unpleasantries along the way and soon Sarah found herself sitting on a tourist chair in the corner and watching the Doctor fiddle with the console mindlessly, apparently deep in thought. Sarah liked watching him like that. She thought it was cute how his eyebrows furrowed when he thought about something very hard. So she just sat there passively with a warm smile on her lips, waiting for him to realise that she was still in the same room with him.

"Doctor?" She tried after a minute.

"Not now, Sarah. I'm thinking." He waved a hand dismissively. She sighed. Of course he would dismiss her like that. She stood up and walked around the console room for a while. It wasn't a very interesting place, actually.

"You need to install a bookshelf here," she said, although she knew her suggestion would most probably be ignored. "Or two." He still paid her no attention, though now at least was engaged in some activity; she could hear the sound of the TARDIS' engines. "Where are we?" She asked, leaning over the console so that she was practically under his face. He smiled down at her.

"Home."

That sounded rather cryptical, because he might have meant her home as her house or London, or even, and she wasn't exaggerating, as he had used that term a number of times before, Earth overall. There was also a chance - a remarkably small chance, she knew, but she liked to _hope_ \- that he meant Gallifrey.

She pushed both of the police box doors open, only to reveal the street where she lived. It wasn't very surprising that it was her home that he meant, but she felt a bit of a disappointment that he was leaving her so soon.

"Sarah?"

She raised an eyebrow at the sudden attention, but turned around to face him anyway.

"What's wrong?"

"Why..." She drifted off, suddenly finding it hard to look him in the face. There was just so much ingenious sincerity and actual, genuine, concern in his eyes that she couldn't find the right words. "Why would you think something is wrong?"

He just raised his eyebrows ever so slightly, showing just how unconvinced he was.

She dabbed on her shirt, unsure of what to say.

"I'm pathetic without you." Her own voice sounded weak in her ears.

"Now, Sarah, we both know that is not true," he said in that I'm-trying-to-cheer-you-up tone of his, grinning widely. Then why did it feel like he was sad? He was smiling. Sarah kicked a tin can lying on the concrete of the road. Most other people she knew were so easy to understand- or, at least, that was how she liked to think. On him, however, she couldn't put a finger. She wasn't sure if it was about him being an alien or being the Doctor. (Most probably the latter.) Still, he was a really hard nut to crack, and even after all those years, when she thought that she knew him inside and out, he still managed to surprise her.

The Doctor had once told her, months earlier, that he didn't understand the human reaction to happiness which was tears of joy. "Happy crying", he had called it - and said that it didn't make sense. She had tried to explain, although with little result. Now? She felt that she was the one who needed explanation - of how smiling with sadness worked. It was his same usual grin, but something in his eyes told her that it was also something completely different altogether.

"Stay."

She didn't realise she was saying it until she said it. He looked at her with as much confusion as the amount of uncertainty she was feeling.

"Stay with me," she repeated, this time barely more than a whisper. "Please."

It took one look into her eyes and he understood that he couldn't leave her that night. That she couldn't make it alone. She was too much of a nervous wreck at the moment to be left on her own. He knew, and he understood.

He had dragged a mattress out of the TARDIS and into her room, proceeded by a nightlight, a pillow, a blanket (she protested against that, insisting that he take a warmer quilt, but all for nothing) and two mugs of lukewarm tea, which they shared in silence.

He had stayed up with her until she felt the fatigue taking the better of her and until sleep finally claimed her.

He had sat there by her side all night and when she woke up, screaming, he was there to soothe her and ensure that everything was fine.

He had caressed her when she wouldn't stop crying, comforting her without questioning anything.

He had been exactly what she needed.

When she woke up in the morning, feeling better than after the usual night, he was sprawled on the floor in what looked like a highly uncomfortable position, blanket, of course, tossed aside. She pouted at the sight of him. Five hundred years old and can't even take care of himself in matters as elementary as sleeping. But she couldn't be angry at him; not for long. She watched him sleep in silence for a moment. He looked so peaceful, and so childlike that she could barely suppress a giggle. Instead, she just smiled warmly.

She pulled a loose strand of hair from his face. His wild curls were soft but sturdy in touch, and, of course, the hair bounced back into its former position as soon as she took her hand away. She sighed.

"Figures."

Careful not to wake him up - though she was almost sure that his sleep was deep enough that he wouldn't even notice if she walked over him - Sarah left the room. She had barely opened the door when she realised it would not open because of the TARDIS, which was parked in the corridor. The door opened swiftly, however, and she realised he must have taken the time during the night to park it elsewhere. No wonder he was so intent on sleep if he didn't get any during the night. She shook her head disapprovingly.

"Do you always have to prove me right?" She whispered, looking at him over her shoulder. For now, she thought he was definitely not capable of taking care of himself.

Sarah walked downstairs, careful to make as little noise as possible and proceeded to make a makeshift breakfast. Two cups of tea and two plates of scrambled eggs later, she heard the creaking of the stairs and soon enough, the Doctor came into the kitchen, looking more drowsy than she had ever seen him. He looked at her with what she could only describe as a complete reconciling to whatever was happening as he slumped onto a chair helplessly.

Sarah laughed gently.

"Cup of tea?"

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 **A/N: I don't usually write romance... Well, to be honest, I never have. But I just really wanted to read some Doctor/Sarah Jane fluff the other day and was hugely disappointed when I saw how little of it exists, so I decided to try my hand at it... It's not _that_ bad, is it? I don't think so. In fact, I'm rather proud of my work. What do you guys think? Be sure to leave a review whether I should continue this or not.**

 **For the next chapter, I was planning on something with Ten, but I can change my mind if you can suggest something better :) I want this to be an interactive series, so if there's anything you might want to see with those two, just write it in a review.**

 **Have a good one!  
** **-Wild**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you everyone for all the feedback :) As promised, a chapter with the tenth Doctor now.  
Set during Doomsday**

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Sarah Jane.

That was not - although later he would try to convince himself otherwise - his first thought after the showdown at Canary Wharf, where he had battled both the Daleks and the Cybermen and learned the hard way that the universe wasn't about to give up on making his life as miserable as possible.

It was not his first thought after he had recovered from the initial shock and denial that came with the fact that he was, once again, alone.

The strangest thing was that he didn't even cry. There was just this emptiness inside of him as he stood alone in the teleport chamber that used to be a portal to another dimension. The portal which he had, despite the price that he had to pay, managed to close. He could still feel Rose's presence in the very same place where he was standing, another indication that the two universes were still tightly pressed upon one another. He thought that if he could feel her, then maybe she could feel him as well in that parallel universe, that maybe, if they tried really hard, they could _touch_.

But then, it was all gone and he parted with the wall he had no idea he was leaning against.

Oh no, he didn't break into crying or give up or anything like this. He felt so numb that it wouldn't make much of a difference anyway. Instead, he focused on everything around him, performing as many tasks at a time as he found possible. Somewhere deep inside, he knew that it was all part of his coping mechanism in this incarnation, but he pushed these thoughts away. Work. That was what he needed. He needed to focus on something else.

It was then, after all these _hours_ , that it had come to him.

Sarah Jane.

 _Sarah_. He felt his hearts sink in guilt. He had no idea if she survived. He didn't even bother to check. And suddenly, although it had been so hard to let go before, he found himself running to the TARDIS, then outside of the ship as soon as he landed.

The neighbourhood looked surprisingly good (by 'good' he meant 'intact') when compared to the other places he had seen earlier that day, and that was probably what gave him that little surge of hope that filled his hearts for a moment, but when he neared the house, he felt his blood run cold.

The door had been busted open, and, as he ran inside with growing horror, the more the whole image unveiled before him, the more anxious about his friend he felt. The hall looked as though a tornado had gone through. There were shards of glass and splinters lying everywhere on the floor, not to mention the broken pieces of furniture, some of which looked as though it had been burnt. It was all he could do not to imagine an uncontrolled fire or, even worse, an explosion, inside the house. Shuddering, he mentally punched his imagination. _Don't be stupid, there are no signs of wider fire damage_.

When he saw the state of the living room, he couldn't take it anymore and something just broke inside of him.

"Sarah!" He ran from one place to another, desperately trying to deny what had to be the truth. Suddenly, everything that had him so worked up just minutes earlier seemed to lose its impact. Rose, Canary Wharf, the Daleks and the Cybermen - none of that mattered anymore. There was just him.

Alone.

"Sarah!" His voice now echoed his feelings perfectly with how free of hope it sounded. There was no hope. Not anymore. Just like everything else that mattered to him, she was now gone. Lost.

He cried out in anger, slamming his fist into the wall. The structure shook from the force of the impact, but didn't waver.

"Why?!" He roared. Not like he was going to get an answer. He hit the wall again, just to direct his anger towards something. It hurt, but he was fairly certain he deserved it. It was, after all, his fault that people around him got into harm's way. And now he paid the price- No. No, he didn't. _They_ paid. Just because he was so selfish, people got hurt. Rose was gone because of him. Now also Sarah. The feeling of guilt which was growing stronger with every second had been overwhelming even before. That was, he tried to reason with himself, why he had stayed to help. Why he had put up with Torchwood, the same people who were responsible or any of that happening in the first place. Why he had practically _offered_ to clean up their mess. He could have left. It would have been so easy, had he not been overcome with guilt.

He had nothing left, he realised. He clenched his fists. The universe would pay for ever getting in his way. They would all regret. Anger boiling inside of him, he took a step towards the hallway, intent on running away from this sad place, very much ready to wreck havoc across the universe, when he heard a crack. Moving his foot away, he noticed that he had stepped on a photograph.

He frowned and picked it up. The glass was shattered and the frame cracked, but the picture was clear enough. He stopped, staring at it with surprise.

Looking at a photo of himself hundreds of years younger was strange enough, but looking at a photo of himself from before the War just hurt. He was smiling. There on that photo, that was genuine happiness. And of course, there was Sarah standing next to him.

A single tear found its way out of his tightly shut eyes and slowly flowed down his cheek.

"...Doctor?"

He froze.

He didn't want her to see him like this- in this state. But when he finally did turn around to face her, he was filled with only positive feelings. _Alive._ Relief was probably the most superior at the moment, but he also felt a strong surge of disbelief. After everything that had happened that day, it didn't seem possible for anything he held dear to still exist.

She looked at him with what couldn't be anything else but concern.

"Alive," he barely managed to get out. His voice was rasped, and it surprised him just how much. He shook his head, mouth agape. His eyes were shining. "How?"

She approached him carefully in the way one approaches a stray animal, all the while talking in a calm voice, as though afraid of startling him. "You showed me that trick with the gold, remember?" She reached out, as if wanting to touch him, but took her hand away. Normally, he would probably have been offended by being treated that way, but he simply didn't care, instead focusing on the sound of her voice as she spoke to him. He drank the words, not really noticing their meaning. All that mattered was that she was saying them. "After all, it's not like I'm helpless..." She gently caressed his cheek with a hand, and he just looked at her, all the pain and loss and anger reflecting in his shining brown eyes. "Doctor?" She stopped when he didn't respond. Her voice wavered. "Talk to me."

He couldn't take it. He grabbed her wrist abruptly, not sure what he was about to do. For a moment, a part of him wanted to hurt her badly just to get back at the universe, just to show that he wasn't helpless. It wouldn't be very hard, just a snap in any direction. She wouldn't resist.

He wasn't sure what would be the outcome if he hadn't looked down at her. There was no sign of fear in her expression, just pure concern. That was probably what made him snap out of the trance and release her, eyes wide in shock. He let out a ragged breath as he realised how close he was to actually hurting her. And she just looked at him with those big sad eyes of hers, not cringing away from the monster he saw inside himself, not in the slightest way afraid. She had to know- damn it, she _had_ to be aware that he could hurt her. And yet she didn't do anything. She just trusted him.

He didn't deserve that trust.

He buried his face in his hands, waiting for his feelings to clear out. It was a mistake, it was all a mistake. He couldn't let himself accept the loss of Sarah. But this time, he was sure of it, she saw the darkness in him. First Rose, and now also Sarah Jane. He had lost them both.

It wasn't until he felt that she was firmly holding him that he broke into soft, quiet sobs.

oooOOO~OOOooo

"Rose is gone." It wasn't a question."Isn't she?"

He nodded gloomily, although the confirmation wasn't necessary. Sarah wasn't sure what to say. She had never seen him so quiet before. Of course, she knew that, sooner or later, everyone who travelled with the Doctor paid the price. That was why, she believed, he had left her in the first place. His, however brief, explanations sounded weak and unsure, and it was clear that he just didn't want for her to get in harm's way because of him. It was selfish, but she initially held onto that belief because it made her feel that she was special - not only in the eyes of the world, but for him. Then she learned to cope with the fact that maybe she wasn't, but she was fine with that. The Doctor was definitely special, and being able to consider herself his friend was enough to satisfy her. Technically, she was now everything he had, and that thought filled her with ever more sadness. It was so easy to forget that Gallifrey was now gone - she had never gone there after all, and would never get the chance to do so again - and that for the Doctor, his human friends were now the closest thing to a family he had left. Those friends of which, apparently, she was the only one left alive. On the other hand, she had liked Rose, and, although the news of the loss of her didn't surprise her in the strictest of terms, she did feel a bit down. Especially as she noticed what it was doing to the Time Lord. Not only his sadness showed physically by the drooped shoulders and gloomy gaze, it was also strong enough that it seemed to mentally radiate through the weak mental link between the two of them, making Sarah painfully aware of his feelings.

"It's not like... I could probably still be able to make some kind of connection between the dimensions. You know how it works with the parallel universes, remember?" Sarah nodded, unsure as to which of their adventures exactly did he have in mind, but fully aware that he needed her to listen. "It's just that it wouldn't be permanent, and... I'm not sure what to say..."

"Just... tell her you love her," Sarah said, hating herself for the surge of jealousy she was feeling. She had promised herself that she wouldn't hold it against him. She even liked Rose. They were fine. Then why was still bitter over the whole thing? Besides, she knew that the Doctor was happy with Rose now. She should be grateful that he still had a significant place for her in his life, not mourn over a relationship apparently long since over.

"Just tell her that you love her," Sarah repeated, this time more confidently.

The Doctor was silent.

"You love her?" She had been intending for it to be as cold and reserved as she could possibly make it sound, a simple statement of a fact, but, terrifyingly, it came out as a question. She frowned visibly. It wasn't her intention to put what seemed more than obvious into doubt.

"Never did quite the same way I love you," he replied before she could add anything more, and her mind and heart both seemed to have done a backflip as she realised she couldn't recall if he'd ever told her that he loved her before.

He got up with a sigh and quietly walked out of the room, mindful of the pieces of broken furniture which lay scattered across the whole house, but she still didn't dare to as much as move, his words ringing in her head. _Never did quite the same way I love you._

Love.

Not 'loved'. Love.

Her heart skipped a beat as she almost tripped over in a hasty attempt to get up, her eyes widening in sudden realisation.

"Doctor!" She screamed frantically, although she already knew she wouldn't catch him. "Oh my god!" She could hear the rasping of the TARDIS engines, and yet she still ran as though she had a chance of keeping up with him. "Doctor!"

* * *

 **A/N: Aaaaaaaaaaand here we go again!**

 **He loves her! Oh my God, he really does! :)** **Bit more of drama in this chapter, but hey. That's what love is about, right? And more importantly, that's what _Doctor Who_ is about.**

 **If I don't manage to write another one in time, I have a Christmas special almost ready to be published, so look out for that ;)**

 **Stay awesome!  
** **-Wild**


	4. Christmas 2016

**A/N: MERRY CHRISTMAS! Just what you need this cold time of year: some fluff to "awwww" over! Well, guess what, I've got what you need :D**

Christmas!

He really liked Christmas, although he wasn't completely sure why. (As far as he was aware, he usually spent Christmas fighting some alien threat to the Earth). But he still had to admit that there _was_ something in the season that just made his hearts sing in joy.

Humming along to some catchy Christmas song playing from a nearby car, the Doctor enthusiastically made his way down the snow-covered Bannerman Road in London. Everything was so beautiful in the winter setting. Yes, he liked it. Snow on Gallifrey was nothing like this amazing white powder. It was fascinating just how big a difference it made to the overall image of the neighbourhood. Of course, the Christmas decorations on every house and streetlight in sight played a part in it as well, but these were just the finishing touches. Snow was the real deal.

The Time Lord smiled, noticing a happy family gathered by a table and conversing lively through the window of one of the houses he passed. He had purposefully chosen the long way and parked the TARDIS a few streets away to get in the mood. Also, he didn't want the presence of his ship to give him away. He was kind of hoping to actually surprise his friend.

"Merry Christmas," a pedestrian said to him as they passed. He didn't know the woman at all, and she probably likewise had no idea who he was, and that just made it even more so beautiful.

"Merry Christmas!" He replied cheerfully. It was really easy to get into the Christmas spirit. It also helped that this year, there was no alien invasion during Christmas. Sure, earlier that day, he did have a bit of a... situation, but that was in the 1940s, which was around seventy years ago for the time zone he was currently in. There was no sign of conflict, just this warm feeling inside of him which grew with every step he took.

He supposed it maybe _was_ a bit cold, and regretted not having taken an overcoat after all. The only additional pieces of clothing he was wearing were just the red woolen scarf he hastily draped around his neck while exiting the TARDIS and a matching bobble hat. He was, however, prepared in an other sense. He grinned like a schoolboy as he thought about how Sarah's face will look when she opens her present.

He slipped on a frozen puddle and for a moment feared he would fall, but after waving his arms about a bit, he managed to regain his balance. He laughed out loud, and froze as the sound of his laughter echoed in the mostly empty street. No one looked at him, but he still felt a bit embarrassed. He hadn't been laughing like that for a while, so it was somewhat difficult for him to embrace how _easy_ it was to just enjoy being happy.

He walked up to Sarah's house and knocked on the door with a grin. This was going to be such a surprise to her. Oh _Doctor, you exceed yourself_ , he mused. _She's going to be so happy to see me._ Sure enough, the door soon opened to reveal Sarah Jane, dressed in a white-and-red woolen sweater. She looked him over. He was dressed in his usual tweed'n'jeans getup, with an addition of a long red scarf and a bobble hat of the same colour. He also appeared to be wearing, very much out of character for him, a small backpack.

As soon as the door opened, he grinned widely as though it was Christmas - which it was - and for a moment looked at her with his happiest surprised-you-didn't-I look.

Sarah barely spared him a glare.

"You've got a lot of nerve."

She slammed the door shut.

The Doctor stood motionless, staring ahead with complete lack of comprehension.

"...What did I do wrong?" He wondered aloud. It had seemed an easy enough task: spend Christmas with friends. Of course, he probably didn't take into account the reaction he would receive from said friends, taking that they still thought he was dead. _Note to self: play it out better with Rory and Amy_. Hopefully he would remember.

The door opened abruptly, almost knocking him over as he slipped on the thin layer of ice that covered the ground beneath his feet. Sarah poked her head out of the house.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" She said almost accusingly.

"Then... I can come in?" He hesitated.

She basically pulled him inside the house, then into a warm hug.

"Of course you can!" She gave him a playful push, all the while managing to sound as though she was scolding a child. Which, taking their physical age difference, looked possible. "What a thing to say. There's always a place for you, you know." He took off his hat and scarf, and wiped the snow off his shoes as she went on, leading him towards the living room. "Because I can never predict whether you'd come or not, so it's always a bit fuzzy when it comes to fitting you into everything, but we'll manage. You can take Luke's room if you're staying overnight, Luke will sleep in the attic or on the coach, unless you've parked the TARDIS nearby - no, you can't have, I didn't hear the noise..." While she was busy talking, he took the opportunity to look around. Not much has changed since his last visit, except for the fact that everything was more Christmas-y now. It wasn't just about the decorations, but there was also that special feeling in the air. He breathed in, enjoying the smell of oranges and ginger. "Are you staying overnight?"

The question caught him off guard, so he quickly mumbled the first thing that came to his mind.

"I brought presents."

Sarah seemed to beam.

"Great! I actually have one for you- Well, I prepare a present for you every year, because one can never know when you'll decide to visit..."

"Every year?" His hearts sank as the now-familiar feeling of guilt returned.

She levelled a glare at him, suddenly dead serious.

"Don't you dare."

"Dare what?" He questioned, perplexed.

"Don't you even dare do that face," she warned and for a moment sounded so threatening that he wasn't sure if she was just pretending or really was angry at him. "Do not even try to blame yourself for whatever I decide to do." He looked down gloomily, but she grabbed his hand in two of her significantly warmer ones, making him look up at her. Her eyes were shining, but it - thankfully - didn't look like she was about to cry. "This is my life and it is my place to decide who I want to share it with. You have no right to feel guilty about it, do you hear me?"

He shook his head with a sad smile. He thought that sometimes she forgot that he was still so much older than her.

"Sarah-" He began, his voice full of affection although still indulgent, but she cut him off.

"I want it to be you, and no one else." He looked at her, eyes nervously from one place to another, but she didn't move. "This is my life and you are the only person I ever wanted to share it with, do you hear me? Ever. So do not blame yourself for how I live, because this is my decision." For the first time, her composure faltered as she glanced down at her feet with a blush. " _You_ are my decision."

The Doctor gazed at her in wonder for what seemed like an eternity, but probably wasn't more than a few seconds.

"Mum?" They heard Luke's voice from the other room. "So who was it?"

Sarah broke into a smile so warm that the Time Lord couldn't help but do the same.

"It's alright!" She called. She turned to the Doctor. "Luke lives at the university now, but he's come home for Christmas for a few days. I don't know if you've..." She furrowed her brows.

"It's fine," he assured her with a grin, then walked to the next room. "Hey, Lukey boy!" He called upon spotting the boy. "Nice to meet you at least once when the world isn't ending."

Luke stared at him.

"I don't think..." He drifted off, looking at him analytically, uncertainty clear on his face. "Have we..."

The Doctor raised his eyebrows with a smirk.

"...Doctor?" Luke uttered. Scattered memories of their last meeting flashed back at him.

"That's me," he smiled and waved to him playfully. "Hello."

Luke surprised the Time Lord by suddenly wrapping his arms around him in a tight embrace.

"I thought you died."

"Well..." The Doctor bit his tongue before he had the chance to say 'I did'. There had been enough pessimism that day already. "The past is in the past, right?"

Luke nodded and the Doctor noticed Sarah standing in the doorway and watching them with a wide smile.

"Are you gonna stay for Christmas?" The boy asked doubtfully. The Time Lord bit his lip, his eyes darting between mother and son, both of whom were looking at him expectingly. He _did_ want to visit Amy and Rory that day too, but... _Well, what's a time machine for if not time travel?_

"Yes!" He quickly assured them - maybe a bit too hastily, but he didn't care. All that mattered was that he made the decision. Smiling, just to confirm it to himself, he added, "of course I am."

oooOOO~OOOooo

"But it's been fine, and the Trickster hasn't shown up at all since _you_ confronted him," Luke rambled on happily. Sarah Jane was surprised at how well he got along with the Doctor. He was talking with excitement painted all over his face. She liked to think that she knew her son inside and out, but she honestly couldn't recall if he had ever acted like this before.

"Scared him, didn't I?" The Doctor laughed. "Sorry about that. I didn't mean to relieve you of your new arch-enemy, Sarah."

She pouted, joining the conversation. "You can talk. I bet _you_ don't even have an arch-enemy."

"They would have to form a queue."He grinned, silencing her.

"Oh!" Luke chimed in, apparently dissatisfied that the Doctor's attention wasn't on him anymore. Sarah Jane smiled gently; she could relate. But he knew how to focus attention. _That_ was her boy there. "Did I tell you about that time Mum took a police box for the TARDIS?"

Sarah suddenly felt her face flush red.

"I bet the Doctor wouldn't want to hear about that," she muttered.

" _Au contrair_ , Sarah, I would _love_ to hear that story," the Doctor said with an evil smirk. Oh, she _hated_ him!

"Okay, now I know who's not getting their present today!" She pretended to be offended, but they both just laughed. Of course, they knew her too well. Her boys.

She didn't really listen to the conversation, partly because she knew that story already - she had _been_ there, after all - and partly because it didn't appear as something of that much importance to her. There was, however, something else that was on her mind.

She looked at the Doctor. He was explaining something to Luke, vividly gesticulating in the process. He seemed happy enough, but by that time she knew better than to mistake the way he was _acting_ for the way he was actually _feeling._

The Doctor didn't look very surprised when he learned that she and Luke had, in fact, travelled back to 1951, but when Luke proceeded to describe how she had tried to save her parents, he frowned visibly.

"And no one stopped you?!" He furrowed his brows. "Sarah, that was extremely _stupid_ of you, I thought I taught you better than trying to change the past! Your parents died." He stopped for a moment, only to add, this time more softly "Don't make Rose's mistakes."

Sarah couldn't get herself together. She could _feel_ his disapproval, his disappointment, his _anger..._ There was so much anger in him nowadays. He did try to hide it, but it was true.

Abashed, he closed the mental link between them almost completely. Sarah frowned when she realised she couldn't tell when exactly he initiated it. And just when she thought he wouldn't try to use it anymore, she felt that strange feeling of mental pressure again and his words resonated in her mind as he scolded her, trying to keep it as professional as possible. " _And don't think we won't talk about crossing your own time stream later._ "

As humans were not naturally telepathic creatures, she had no way of responding to him, but she knew that he noticed the concern radiating off her. She just hoped he wouldn't interpret it wrongly.

"No, don't worry, I've looked into it and it's actually something called an ontological paradox," Luke continued on as though nothing had happened and it suddenly struck her that he had no idea about what had just happened between the two. Most of the conversation probably happened in her mind. "It's a series of events which cannot be omitted and forms an infinite chain-" Luke sounded so proud of himself at knowing these things that Sarah couldn't help but get the impression that her son was boasting before the Doctor.

"The bootstrap paradox, I know," the Time Lord interrupted him. He didn't show any signs of anything having happened at all, and if it wasn't for the quick glance he gave her, she could have sworn that she had just imagined it. But no, for that brief moment, she could see it all in his eyes. The flame which had been burning inside them just moments ago was now barely an ember, but it was still there. And she could see how ashamed he was of his feelings. But it was soon over as he directed his attention towards Luke again, engaging him in a vivid discussion about the complexity of time travel and Sarah could just exit the room quietly as she found herself lost after the first couple of words. She _could_ leave them two geniuses alone at least once, she decided.

She opened the kitchen window and looked outside. The air was cool, but she welcomed it as a change from the warmth of the house. Across the street, she could just make out the silhouettes of the Chandra family, having a meal together. Dinner! She should be thinking about it by now, it was only tomorrow, and with the Doctor around, she should probably prepare something bigger than the two-person lunch she had been intending. Maybe even buy an actual turkey...?

"Sarah?!" She heard the Doctor call from the living room. The voice grew gradually louder until he entered the kitchen. "Where do you keep the water?" He asked, looking rather serious (well, as serious as he _could_ look now). "Or anything to drink, for that matter?"

She tried her best not to laugh. Of course, Luke must have talked the Time Lord into giving him a lecture.

"The fridge?" She proposed.

"Oh! Yes, right!" He seemed to have lost his composure as he frowned thoughtfully. "I should have thought about that." He then proceeded to take out two bottles of mineral water. "Thank you!" He was already in the corridor.

Sarah shook her head, amused.

With another glance out the window, she noticed Rani looking at her. She smiled at the girl, waving to her happily. Rani waved back.

Sarah glanced at her watch and closed the window with a heavy sigh. It was nearing eleven, which made it high time Luke went asleep. She knew that he was no longer a child, but he still needed his share of a good night's rest, which (she was sure of that) he usually _didn't_ get at university.

"Alright, that's enough talking for tonight," she said when, after walking into the room, she found them still engaged in vivid discussion. The topic seemed to be dimensional transcendentality now, if she could tell anything from the little part of the conversation she actually _could_ comprehend. "You've got to go to sleep now if you want to wake up tomorrow."

"Mum!" Luke complained, but she shook her head.

"That's it. Come on, it's Christmas Day tomorrow!"

"Alright," he gave in, then yawned. Blushing, he added, "maybe you _do_ have a point..."

Luke reluctantly dragged himself out of the armchair he was sitting in.

"Goodnight," he murmured quietly and slowly made his way to the hallway. Sarah watched him go with a smile. She turned to the Doctor, who was closely examining the Christmas tree.

"So, he's a smart boy, isn't he?" She challenged the Time Lord.

"Smart?" He didn't look at her, instead adjusting a bauble which was hanging askew. "Sarah, he's brilliant. Stone dead genius. And, mind you, this isn't something I say that often."

There was a moment of silence.

"Thank you." She said finally. He turned to look at her, surprised. Clearly, he didn't understand what she meant. "For coming." She looked down at the ground, gently nudging his foot with her own. "I know you usually don't do this sort of thing."

"Sarah, I would do anything for you." An overstatement, true, but if he so desperately wanted to be romantic, she wasn't going to stop him. "Which reminds me! I haven't given you your present yet."

She scowled mockingly, but they both knew she didn't really mean it.

"Doctor, I don't really like spoilers. It can wait until tomorrow."

"But there's something I really want to show you." Now, he was as excited as a small child. "Come on, just you and me. I want this to be ours." He looked at her with a puzzled expression. "Come with me?"

She didn't even have to think before answering.

"I'd love to!"

"Well, then what are you waiting for?" He asked vividly, running outside into the cold, and Sarah couldn't take it anymore as she broke into a smile warm enough to melt ancient snows. She quickly tied her shoes, not even caring for something like a coat, ran out of the house and, of course, slipped on the ice. She surely would be laying on the ground soon, but suddenly he was holding her up, his hands much stronger than anything she could find in herself this time late into the night.

"Careful there," he laughed and she immediately found herself laughing as well. Then, still grinning like the idiot he was, he dragged her through the street and she couldn't stop laughing every time one of them stepped on a frozen puddle, which always ended in both of them either falling ungracefully to the ground or sliding forward on the ice. He didn't stop holding her hand for a moment.

They reached the nearest junction and Sarah found herself being pushed inside the TARDIS, something that she hadn't been even _hoping_ for anymore. The Doctor jumped to the console, completely ignoring the couple of stairs which stood in his way. He pressed down a few buttons at once, pulled a lever and the time rotor immediately began to rise and fall at a steady pace, the familiar sound of the ship's ancient engines filling Sarah's heart with joy. She realised that he must have already entered the destination for their trip even before coming to her house, taking how little time it took him to start the engines now. He had it all prepared! Very unlike him.

The TARDIS ground to a stop, and she threw herself to the door, happily anticipating whatever he had in mind to show her.

"I wouldn't be so hasty," he said and she looked at him to notice that he was holding up a brown fur coat. "Might be a bit cold."

She took the jacket from him and carefully put it on. She immediately felt significantly warmer and that was probably when she realised that she had run out of her house in little more than a sweater in the middle of a rather cold December night. She frowned, intending to ask something, but whatever she might had been intending to say was gone with a yelp of surprise as her eyes were suddenly covered.

"Doctor!" She protested.

"Oh come on, Sarah." She heard his voice surprisingly close to her ear. "I want you to have a surprise."

"Fine," she scowled, crossing her arms on her chest. She couldn't see his reaction, but the short, amused laugh from somewhere to her right told her everything she needed to know. "Go on."

She let him guide her down to the door and then outside, and she felt a wave of cold wash through her as they exited the ship.

"Can I look now?" She asked.

"Just a few more steps," he answered, smugness at having such a good idea clear in his voice. She snorted a laugh. They walked a few more feet and he let go of her arms, gently uncovering her eyes.

Sarah breathed in, looking around in wonder. They were standing atop some snow-capped mountain and initially she couldn't really tell if they were still on Earth or not. Then, she noticed that, although it was still the middle of night, the sky was completely different. Not only she couldn't spot any familiar constellations, the sky itself wasn't the vast black she was used to, but more of a very dark purple. The mountains didn't align with anything she knew of Earth's geography - there were only four of them, but they all seemed too high not to be well-known. The landscape was breathtakingly beautiful, and, just in the corner of her eye, Sarah could notice the Doctor looking at her with a smile.

"Wow," she said, not really able to say anything else. He grabbed her arm.

"Wait for it…" He stared at the sky in expectation, and she glanced at him. He seemed happy.

Then, her attention was driven away as the night sky exploded. Colours burst from everywhere she could see, ranging from deep blue to red more vivid than she had ever seen and yellow brighter than the sun. They formed countless ribbons which entangled in each other, joining the colours with unlikely fineness. It resembled the northern lights, only _more_.

"It's beautiful." She whispered. "I've never seen anything like it."

"Neither have I," said the Doctor, earning a surprised look from Sarah. "This is something I've only heard of before."

"W-" Sarah's voice trembled. "What are we looking at exactly?"

"These are what is called the aurorae of Kaladria. A _beautiful_ phenomenon of light and air and colour, it's a rarity in the world of science," he explained vividly, gesturing with his hands as he often did in this incarnation. "It only happens once in a thousand of years, but lasts for almost twenty hours." She smiled at him. He was still taller than her, but this time only slightly, which made it easier to get his attention. "The locals are going to be celebrating for days, singing and drinking and dancing all night long. But they won't see it like we do, from up here, you know. I've extended the air shell from the TARDIS so that we could breathe. There isn't any oxygen atop the Peaks of Kaladria." He was rambling, but she could tell this was only a way of saying 'I did this for you'.

"Thank you." She said simply, mostly because she didn't know what exactly to say.

"It's nothing. Seeing this for the first time didn't feel like something to do on my own, and you know what they say, that you should always spend important moments with those that you hold…" He drifted off when he noticed the way she was looking at him, like she wasn't sure whether she was about to burst into laughter or stare at him with disbelief. "…dear," he finished lamely.

There was a moment of awkward silence, during which he adjusted his bow tie nervously.

"It's… fine?" He asked finally, unable to hold it anymore.

"Yes," she assured him with a warm smile. "It is."

He took his jacket off and they sat down on the top of this mountain on an alien planet, enjoying each other's company in silence. Sarah watched the lights in the sky swirl around each other, resting her head on the Doctor's shoulder. She could feel how he initially tensed at the contact, but soon relaxed his muscles and let her lean on him completely. She didn't even notice when exactly his hand first touched hers - she could just feel the coolness of his skin, something that she was very familiar with. Their fingers clasped together - the fit was different, but it still felt right. Sarah stared at the aurorae in wonder for what seemed like hours, although she had no way of knowing for sure. Time had felt always felt funny around the Doctor, after all.

It was him who first broke the silence, though he did it quietly, careful not to destroy the fairytale mood.

"Merry Christmas, Sarah Jane."

"Yes. And to you, Doctor," she agreed dreamily. "Merry Christmas indeed."

* * *

 **A/N:** **So, basically, I just wanted to wish you all a very happy time with your loved ones. I hope you all have great Christmas this year :)**

 **Also, big, shout out thanks to everyone who has followed and/or favourited this story, it really means a lot! Of course, I can't thank enough those who have left reviews, and I strongly encourage you all to do that: it's not a bother to you and it means the world to me.**

 **Merry Christmas!  
** **-Wild**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I want to dedicate this chapter to tiger0237, who wanted the Doctor and Sarah to dance together.**

 **Also, big, shout out thanks to Henri Jacks, who at first gave me some advice and then somehow we ended up writing this together. (You can find this chapter on her account too, so don't worry, nobody stole it).**

 **Without further ado, here goes!**

 **(And yes, this is the shortest update so far).**

* * *

Sarah Jane watched the dancing couples from afar, not really sure what to think.

She had never been that extremely romantic type, but she knew love when she saw it. And she could definitely see it in the eyes of many of the men and women slowly swaying to the soft music played by the orchestra. An orchestra, yes! As a journalist, Sarah got to attend all sorts of events, but she had never been to a party quite this fancy before. It was technically organised by the human resources branch of UNIT, but it was actually more of a formal occasion for a get-together than a military event. Formal enough that even the Minister of Defence did attend (however briefly), which made it paradise for a journalist like her - a journalist who had affiliations with UNIT. But the most formal part of the celebration was over, and now people have walked off to different places, either to talk while enjoying some food from the snack bar or dance to the classic pieces played by the orchestra.

Sarah was dancing solo.

She had accepted being single long ago. She knew that she would never meet a man like the Doctor, and chances of seeing _him_ again seemed to get smaller and smaller with each passing day. One of these days, she had just stopped hoping, instead deciding to hold on to the precious memories she had of their time together.

If someone had asked her about her feelings for the Time Lord, she probably wouldn't be able to give a straight answer. She wasn't sure if she still loved him - hell, she wasn't sure if she _had_ loved him at all - but she couldn't deny that her heart did beat faster when a few months ago she got a gift from him. K-9. She wasn't entirely sure how much the robot dog had meant for the Doctor, but she imagined it wasn't easy to part with him. And the Doctor had decided to give him to her, of all people. That meant he still cared for her, even if he wasn't personally there to show it. In all honesty, it made her heart leap.

Sarah stopped her train of thought in order to get another glass of champagne and, just like in all those cheesy movies, someone else grabbed the exact same glass at the exact same time. Surprised, she looked up at the young man, who in turn looked at her, clearly embarrassed. He couldn't be more than thirty years old, with an adventurous spark in his eyes. His short, blond hair was wild and unkempt, which didn't align well with his formal attire. Not anything special, Sarah estimated. Although she had long ago learnt better than to judge by appearance, she was still having some trouble applying the rule to human beings. So no, she was not interested or intrigued or anything else by the young man. She could quickly dismiss him: dressed exactly like every other male guest at the party, nothing particularly interesting. (The Doctor! Now _that_ was an individual! Especially when it came to his fashion sense, she had to admit.)

"Excuse me," the stranger mumbled and quickly moved his hand away, making her snap out of her Doctor trance.

"Oh no," she assured him with a smile. "It's fine. This champagne isn't very good anyway."

She had to fight a mental battle to prevent herself from snorting at that. What did she think she was doing? That lighthearted tone and warm smile? She barely acted like herself. _Oh, come on Sarah_ , she scolded herself mentally (which sounded in her head suspiciously like the Doctor's voice), _what's wrong with actually having a life?_

The stranger laughed - it seemed strangely out of place during such a formal occasion, but she still did the same.

The music changed to a slower piece - a waltz, if Sarah was correct. The pairs on the dance floor shifted about to fit to the new situation.

"Care for a dance, Miss Smith?"

Sarah froze, staring at the man who was now clearly inviting her to a waltz.

"How do you know my name?" She asked.

"Maybe we've met before," he replied cryptically. "Maybe I'm a psychic." He laughed. "Or maybe you're just wearing an identificator, Sarah Jane Smith." True enough, she did have an ID card pinned to her dress. She glanced down at it, then looked back at the stranger. He extended his hand, which she shook reluctantly. "Pleasured to make your acquaintance."

"Likewise, I'd like to believe."

"Then how about that dance?" He asked innocently. Sarah mentally shrugged. It wouldn't hurt to have at least some actual human contact from time to time.

"I'd be honoured," she replied half-sarcastically and immediately hoped that he didn't notice it.

They did walk to the dance floor in peace, however, and soon began swaying to the music. Sarah didn't know this dance very well, but her partner turned out to be a natural, so they moved quite swiftly and, she had to admit, she enjoyed it. The dance was a slow one, as she should expect, and she felt herself leaving all of her troubles and worries behind her as she focused on the music and the sensation of her dance partner's arms holding her firmly. She adjusted the loose sleeve of her black dress, focusing on the movement of her feet for the moment, careful not to make a mistake.

"So, what do you think of the party?" The stranger asked her casually. His face was so close that she could feel his breath on her ear. The funny thing was, she didn't even feel bad about this sort of intimacy. Maybe it was just the alcohol getting to her, or maybe there really was something more to her mysterious partner than met the eye.

"I find it quite dull, actually," she said honestly, though still carefully. After all, she had no idea who she was dealing with. Funny, but she actually found it quite exciting, how she didn't really know who that man was, and yet she let him hold her and guide her. _Just like the Doctor_. She frowned almost immediately at the thought of the Time Lord. What was he doing at the time? Was he still alive? What if he had regenerated? Did he even remember her at all? _What if he had died_ She had no way of knowing, now did she?

"Are you alright?"

She snapped out of the trance, shaking her head to clear her mind.

"It's..." She drifted off, not really sure what she had wanted to say. "I'm fine." She closed her eyes, enjoying the moment of the bliss of not having to look him in the eye. "It's just this dullness getting at me, I suppose."

"I've been to worse," he claimed calmly. "Believe me, this isn't even halfway as boring as parties can get. Back where I come from... Oh, that's simply atrocious."

She quirked an eyebrow at him with a playful smirk.

"And where would that be, Mr. Mystery?" She didn't know that man at all and already they were talking like old friends. She thought that maybe she has been a bit too locked out on people lately. Just because she'd lost the Doctor, it didn't mean that every relationship would hurt. Yes, it saved her a lot of pain, not having friends. But actual human contact proved actually nice. She was having this warm feeling in her and she liked it.

"Oh, all over the place. Never quite did get to stay in one place for longer," he admitted. "The life of a traveller."

Sarah nodded. She knew _that_ well enough. Of course, she quickly reminded herself that he had no way of knowing what she could have possibly meant by that gesture. And yet he smiled at her as though he knew, in the way the Doctor would smile at her whenever she said something he considered adorable or silly (or, knowing him, possibly both) and she found herself blushing deeply. She had no idea why she was blushing and definitely didn't want to notice it or pay it any attention, but the stranger laughed, which she once again found infectious and cracked a smile of her own.

"So," she said in a dreamy voice. "I'm a journalist and I go to places, but what is someone such as yourself doing here?"

"Well, that's quite simple, actually," he laughed. "I simply got invited by a good friend of mine, Alistair Lethbridge-Stewart."

Sarah thought she was going to burst into laughter. She had never heard anyone call the Brigadier by his first name before.

"Which reminds me that, though I regret, I have to go now." He let go of her in a gentlemanly fashion. She was trembling, and she wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because good things never lasted, because she wasn't sure what was happening to her, why she was acting like a teenager who has lost her head... Like she was in love. Which was ridiculous, because you don't fall in love with complete strangers. Love comes slowly, unnoticeably and you often don't recognise it until it's too late. She was living proof of that. She sighed, looking at the place where her previous conversation partner once stood. He was gone without a trace, and she found herself feeling a bit frustrated. He didn't even say goodbye, just walked off. She spotted him several feet away, indeed talking to the Brigadier, but she was feeling too lightheaded right now to actually walk up to them.

Funny: she shouldn't feel that way, but she thought that, for the moment, she was actually... happy. It was absolutely ridiculous. And she loved it.

"Excuse me," she tapped the nearest security guard (which immediately made him a UNIT soldier) on the shoulder. "Could you tell me who that man is?"

"That guest over there?" The young soldier asked, and when she nodded, continued. "That's one of them patrons, the wealthy lot." He rubbed his chin in thought. "He had this sort of common name... Uh... Smith, I believe. Yes. Smith, it was. John Smith."

Sarah stared ahead with an expression which was hard to read.

"Something the matter, ma'am?"

"No," she laughed. "It's nothing," she explained, half to him, half to herself. "I just thought that... John Smith..." She shook her head, amused. "No! No, he can't be." She smiled at the soldier. "Thank you for the information."

"No problem at all, ma'am. Please enjoy the party."

"Oh, don't worry." She smiled. "That I will!"

* * *

 **A/N:** _Hi, Henri here! I just wanted to say thank you to Wild, who let me collab with her on this chapter. It has been fantastic, she is a most amazing writer and I feel very lucky to have had the opportunity to write alongside her._

 _And thank you all too, because, just like with any other media, you readers make this fanfiction. Stay amazing and stay here. I'll still review and read it just like you, because this is an amazing fanfic and there is no way I could leave it._

 _So yeah, thanks for the ride. It's been great!_

 _-Henri_

 **A/N: Yes, this is actually an update 0.0 I'm back! But don't thank _me_. Thank Henri, who was constantly nagging me to write more. (And actually wrote like half of this chapter, too!)**

 **So yes, I'm back, the updates are going to be more regular from now on (I hope) and I'll be finally able to give this story the attention I think it deserves. I love writing for the Doctor and Sarah, and I don't think I'll be giving up on that too soon!**

 **The Doctor we were thinking about was Five, but from how little info we gave about his appearance, you can interpret it as Six if you want. (Or you can just assume that it's some very crazy coincidence and there was just some completely random guy named John Smith, who shared many common treats with our tame Time Lord).**

 **Either way, it's fluff and it's new. Not quite as good as I would have liked it to be, but you can always blame Henri xD**

 **For the next one, I'm thinking of Twelve!  
** **-Wild**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This idea was suggested by ThatBigBlueBox, who asked for "a chapter with Nine right after the War".**

 **To be honest, this one was a bit tricky for me to write, as I'm trying to keep everything in this story potentially canon and _A School Reunion_ pretty much spoils any chances of Sarah Jane meeting Nine. I did my best, though, and I hope you'll like it. (I'm actually rather proud of it myself).**

 **Without further ado, here goes.**

* * *

Gone.

This was the only word he could think of. It echoed in his head over and over again as he tried his best not to just drown in his despair.

Everyone was gone.

No more Daleks, but no more Time Lords. There was only him. He was alone in the whole universe. No more would he come home. His home didn't exist anymore; as if the death of the Time Lords wasn't enough, Gallifrey itself had disappeared from the sky. There was literally no place in the universe he could call home. How come had it happened so fast?

The last thing he remembered was stealing the Moment, the most dangerous weapon in the universe, with the very intention to threaten both the Time Lords and the Daleks, the next ... He was in his TARDIS. Newly regenerated. Alone.

It was his fault.

He had killed them all.

So what did that make him? A killer? The greatest mass murderer in the history of the universe? To commit genocide on his own race... He had lost any right to be the Doctor. There was nothing that could possibly justify what he had done.

He had _murdered_...

He screamed in rage, kicking and punching bits of the TARDIS until a few control panels exploded, showering him with sparks. He didn't stop. He delivered pain both to the ship and to himself, and he knew that he was the one who deserved it. After all, what was the proper punishment for what he had done? There was none. There wasn't an appropriate punishment because what he had done exceeded any crime ever committed in the history of war.

He wasn't a killer. He was a monster.

He stopped when he didn't have any physical strength to keep on anymore and collapsed to the floor. The ship was practically burning all around him, but he seemed not to notice it. He was crying, harder than he ever had, longer than he would have ever believed possible, and more grievously than anyone had ever cried before.

When the tears wouldn't come anymore, he simply lay there, unaffected by the world around him, staring at the dark ceiling of the control room in a desperate attempt not to _think._ He had no idea how long he had spent like that, laying on the floor of his TARDIS in a pool of his blood and tears, hoping that if he ignored the universe, the universe would ignore him.

 _And that is your punishment._ The words echoed in his head like an old memory, although he could not remember ever hearing them before. _You live._

At that point he wasn't even sure if that was his conscience talking. If it was, it did a pretty good job at bringing him down.

He wasn't ready for life.

He didn't _want_ to live.

After what felt like centuries, the Time Lord rose from his place on the floor and slowly walked to the console panel. The room had managed to return to a state of relative usability. (The auto-repair circuit was probably the only thing that worked anymore.) The room had changed design, too, no doubt to - like always - adjust to his current state of mind. He didn't care (which was probably the reason why it actually looked as though he didn't). He just wanted to clear his mind.

He needed to go for a walk.

Even before he managed to enter any coordinates, the time rotor began rising and falling at a steady pace as the TARDIS set off... He didn't even care where, but what worried him was that the ship had decided to pick the destination on its own. It was almost as though it was telling him "I have something I want to show you."

He opened the door and exited the police box it was disguised at. 'Disguised' was maybe not the best word, as there weren't all that many police boxes in the 1980s anymore. He looked around in distaste. It was Earth. London.

He sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets angrily. He gave the TARDIS a reproachful look before walking away. If this was his ship's way of consoling him, then... He stopped dead in his tracks. He had been intending to state that it didn't work, but actually...

There were people all around him, talking on mobile phones or chatting casually among themselves. He could hear a few laughs.

He had been alone for so long that the very idea of life other than his own felt alien to him. The Time Lords were gone. What was left in the universe for him? Yet here they were; the human race, buzzing with life, as always. People who weren't affected by the Time War. Living day by day on their little planet in the corner of the universe.

He almost smiled. Life prevails. Even through the darkest of times, there always remains at least one spark of life. Maybe he was alone, but... The universe wasn't dead.

He took a step back, satisfied with himself at having understood what the TARDIS had been wanting to tell him, but somehow collapsed as he walked into someone else.

He quickly got up and looked at the young woman, who immediately began apologising.

"So sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me today," she started picking up the books she had been carrying, which were now laying all over the sidewalk. "I just keep on walking into people." He didn't point out that he was the one who walked into her. He didn't say anything, staring at her in something edging between wonder and disbelief.

It seemed almost impossible for anything he cared about to still exist.

He shook his head to clear his mind, kneeled down beside her and began helping her with the books. Books, he mused. Not grocery, not anything, but books. A _lot_ of books. How did she think she was going to carry all of that with only two hands?

"That's quite a number of titles," he casually noticed aloud. _British Military_ , _The History Of Conflict_ \- he caught a few names. "Pretty heavy subject, too." How old was she? Thirty? Thirty-something? Hell, did it even matter? She was there. Alive.

He didn't even dare to touch her as he passed her the books.

She blushed slightly at his last comment.

"I'm writing a book," she said in an explanatory tone. "About the United Nations' Intelligence Taskforce. This is simply some... research I needed."

He looked around, only at that point noticing that they were indeed standing by a library.

"I won't stop you then," he said. She gave him the most heartwarming smile and ran off with the large pile of books in her arms. "Good luck with your book!" He managed to call out after her.

She was happy. He found himself smiling despite anything he might have been feeling earlier. _She was happy._

Suddenly, he knew. He found the reason. He despised himself at the moment for what he had done, but... Yes, he supposed that, in the end, he had done what he had done without a choice. He had to, and he did.

He had fought for people like Sarah Jane Smith. Stood for those who couldn't fight themselves. The ones that really mattered were not the ones who had burnt along with their enemies. No, it was about the people who didn't even know about the war. He had fought for the billions of innocents who would never know that he did so. Maybe it was for the best. All those people on all these planets; the whole point of the Time War was for them not to get into harm's way. Timelocking the conflict to keep it from raging across all of time and space.

People like Sarah Jane would never even know.

It was a good thing. He wasn't going to forget about the weight of his sin or the pain that it had caused, but he wouldn't forget about the horrors of the War, either. He had stopped hell from destroying the universe more than it had already done. He wasn't proud of the way he had done it. It was wrong.

But, as he looked at the happy expression on the face of his former companion, the Time Lord decided that, in the end, the only way not to make the sacrifice meaningless was making sure the universe survived afterwards.

He would help out. He would travel through time and space - just like before, but not quite like before. He wouldn't kill, he wouldn't hurt. He would bring hope.

He would be the Doctor.

"Thanks," he whispered as he patted one side of the TARDIS before entering it. The quiet hum of the ship's engines was almost immediately interrupted by a distress signal - as though it wanted for him to find something to do. The Doctor jumped to the console with one quick move and regarded the red blinking diode. It was the indicator of an invasion of Nestene origin.

Earth.

2005.

He pulled a lever and the ship immediately set off towards its new destination - his new life.

The last time he had been on Earth was in 1999. A new millennium was going to be a great way for a new start. He was going to help. He was going to do what he had always been supposed to do. Be the Doctor.

And it was going to be fantastic.

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry about that random ending, it just felt right! I know, I know. It's cheap, it's cringe-y and bad, but it was the only possible ending I could think about. Honestly, everything that came to my mind ended with the word 'fantastic'.**

 **In other news, completely sorry about the slow update time, but I've started working on another Who fanfiction, which I'm super excited about. It's going to have an actual plot and action and everything, which is something I haven't written since I started this one xD.**

 **Chances are this is still going to be updated more often, though, so not much of a change for the Doctor/Sarah fans ;)**

 **Carry on ;)**

 **-Wild**

(Oh, by the way, I'm updating this from the mobile app, so I'm not sure how it's going to display)


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I'm currently working on a bit with Ten, but it somehow keeps on getting longer and longer without any ending in sight, so I figured I had better write something else to keep my promise of updating this fanfic regularly. (And it's Valentine's Day, so I kind of figured I ought to update, because this** _ **is**_ **romance, after all.)**

 **Short summary: it turns out that I'm really bad at beginnings. (Don't worry. It gets better.)**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

Sarah glanced out of the TARDIS as she cracked the door open a bit.

"Don't peek," the Doctor's voice warned her, but she could tell he wasn't really angry. She closed the door. Oh, she could listen to him at least this once. After all, it didn't happen so often that he actually had a 'surprise' - as he had called it - for her.

"Alright, Doctor." She turned round to face him. "What is it?" He wasn't there at all. From how he was shouting to answer her, she could tell he could very well be at the far end of the ship.

"You'll need to change into something more appropriate for the period!" It didn't answer her question.

"What period?" She shouted back.

"Just go to the TARDIS wardrobe and she'll pick something for you!" Right. Wardrobe. And where was that supposed to be? "Turn left, down the corridor, third door on the right!"

She shook her head with an amused laugh. Sometimes, she couldn't even tell if he was actually reading her thoughts or just had perfect timing.

She followed the directions and soon found herself in a room she had never seen before. It was most certainly the wardrobe, for she could notice some of the Doctor's clothes laying around in a messy manner. He had never been very tidy, had he? She had just sort of hoped the TARDIS would auto-clean the room or something like that, which it clearly didn't.

"Okay," Sarah said to the ship. She had once felt awkward while doing that. Now she was pretty much fine with it. She knew perfectly well that the TARDIS was a sentient being, and she liked to think they were friends in some way. "What do you think would be appropriate for me in the time period outside?"

One of the many wardrobes in the room opened itself.

"These?" Sarah asked, holding up a black velvet dress. She wasn't an expert, but she reckoned the steady hum the ship produced in response was a yes. "But these are all dresses," she complained aloud. She didn't like wearing dressed and skirts; she had always preferred trousers. She thought she could make this sacrifice for the Doctor, though – he seemed very excited about whatever he had arranged for them.

In the end, she decided she would wear the pearl white gown, mainly because it went with long, sleek gloves and a pearl necklace. She put it on – everything in the room was her size, no doubt thanks to the TARDIS – and admired herself in the mirror. It could have been worse, she decided.

"Fine now?" She asked pointedly as soon as she made it back to the console room.

"Oh!" He noticed her entrance and tugged at the bow tie he was trying to tie around his neck. "Sarah-!" He broke off and stared at her. She blushed. Amazing. She knew she couldn't look very well in the old-fashioned gown, but she personally hadn't thought it was that bad until one look at her turned out to be enough to make him speechless. "You look… wonderful," he finally choked out and she had to blush again, this time because she was actually flattered. She knew the Doctor didn't give away compliments like this very often, so she figured she really must have thought she looked good.

He, in turn, looked… Strange. Not really strange strange, but he was wearing normal clothes. It was formal clothing, but still. Sarah hadn't thought she would ever see the Doctor wear something normal in her life. He was dressed in normal black trousers, a plain white shirt and a black smoking. There was also an unknotted bow tie hanging on his neck. From the way he nervously tugged at his collar, he would be happy to trade it for one of his ridiculously long scarves.

"Come on, I'll help you," she offered. He complied without a word of protest and as she knotted the bow tie, Sarah thought about the absurdity of the situation. Five hundred years old and yet she has to help him with his tie? _The Doctor's a child_ , she snorted. "There."

"Thank you, Sarah." The tone of his voice left it unclear whether he really meant it or was just messing around. "What would I ever do without you?"

She gave a short laugh.

"Die a horrendous death, probably."

"Probably," he agreed with a grin. "Now. Shall we be off?"

She grabbed his arm with what she liked to consider a coquettish smile.

"By all means."

A brief expression of joy crossed his face as he held the door open for her.

Sarah tried to take in their surroundings as soon as possible, mainly because the Doctor had tried so hard to prevent her from seeing it before. It wasn't, as she had expected, any alien planet or anything – instead, it appeared that the TARDIS had materialised in the corner of a ballroom in the early 1920s. There were people all around them, all dressed in a way similar to them, talking or playing card games on the few tables standing in the middle of the room. Sarah wasn't sure how to comment on that: the whole place looked rather expensive and refined, even for the standards of the era.

"It looks… posh," she noticed. She couldn't find a better world. "Where are we?"

The Doctor glanced round at the luxurious décor and wealthy-looking people around them.

"It's the year 1911 AD," he said. "And this, my dear Sarah, is the _Olympic_ -class ocean liner, RMS ' _Titanic_ ' _._ "

History. Sarah looked around in wonder, this time seeing things in a different light. The Doctor had mentioned the Titanic at least a few times, if she recalled correctly, but she had never even considered they could actually go there. Then again, she hadn't considered meeting Leonardo da Vinci or going to medieval England, and yet she had done those too. Yes, with the Doctor, history suddenly became just a step away.

"Why didn't you take Harry along? He would have loved it." She was still looking around in wonder.

"I-" He broke off. "I wanted it to be just you and me."

"Why?" She was confused, but then it all clicked and she grinned. "Oooooh, I see. What's the special occasion, then?"

"Well, it is- I mean- It is our... anniversary, after all."

Sarah cocked her head. "Anniversary?" As far as she was aware, they weren't even dating.

"A year." He explained. "Since we first met."

So he _had_ kept track of it, then. She had always been suspecting that much. It was awfully hard to tell the time in the TARDIS, especially since there was no day or night and Sarah's irregular sleep sessions were the only indicator of time passage. But she had always thought that the Time Lord not only knew what day it was, but also must have somehow kept track of the dates.

But a year? She wouldn't have thought that. It felt like a lifetime ago. Still, it somehow meant that, first of all, she finally knew how old she was, and that it meant time was not that harsh. If you could do so much in just one year, imagine what you could do in another. Or two. Or ten. Somewhere in the back of her head, she was aware that this wasn't going to last forever, but she couldn't really pay much attention to that at the moment.

"Come on," he grabbed her hand impatiently and almost dragged her through the hallway. "We'll be late!"

"Late for what?" She laughed. He really had arranged something! She couldn't believe it.

"I've booked us a table," he said, apparently very proud of himself.

"It's a ship. I'm pretty sure you don't have to book a table here."

"It's the most luxurious liner in the world," he pointed out. "You _do_ have to book a table in the restaurant."

She couldn't argue with that logic, so she just followed the Doctor, all the while trying to take in as much of their surroundings as possible. She also noticed with some amusement that he seemed to know exactly where he was going. He really had arranged something.

They soon reached what looked like a very posh restaurant and even there, the Doctor had no problem with getting on with it. Whatever 'it' was.

"I have a reservation in the name of John Smith." He always seemed to take demonic pleasure in using her last name for his own intents. She couldn't recall the last time they hadn't pretended they were either siblings or a married couple after having been arrested (which happened quite often, now that she thought about it). Of all the names in the universe, he had to stick with that one. At first she just thought that it was a coincidence. It was a very common name, after all, and it just figured that would be what the Doctor would choose for his alias. But as time went on, she developed a constantly growing suspicion that he was doing it on purpose. Mr and Mrs Smith. He always looked so smug when he introduced them. Then again, she got her vengeance when she recently began explaining their relationship herself: she usually made Harry her fiance or boyfriend, while the Doctor her brother. It was their way of a friendly competition, she supposed. She only felt a bit sorry for poor Harry, who had somehow become a means of playing each other up for both Sarah and the Doctor. But it was fine. She had never seen him complain – even more so, he seemed happy that the two were getting on the way they were.

"Sarah?" The Doctor's voice brought her back to reality. _Reality_ , sure. A dinner aboard the Titanic! Honestly, it was somewhat hard to tell what was real in this life. "Are you alright?"

"Yes." She glanced round nervously. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"…I don't know," he admitted. "You looked absent."

"Well, I was thinking. We humans tend to do that sometimes," she taunted.

"You do?" He mocked a gasp of surprise. "I hadn't noticed."

She opened her mouth to answer with some witty comment, but of course, she couldn't come up with any, so she just settled for an angry (and quite unladylike) growl. He laughed, which infuriated her even more. It was that familiar anger which, she noticed, was only reserved for the Doctor – she wanted to kill him and kiss him at the same time.

She didn't have much more time to be angry at him, though, because a waited walked up to them and ushered them towards a balcony. There were fewer tables here than inside, but nearly all of them were occupied.

They sat down by the table at the far end of the deck. _Candles_?! Sarah looked at the Doctor, who just grinned. What was he up to?

 _Anniversary_ , she reminded herself. Maybe it's a more important thing to celebrate back on Gallifrey. She thought it made sense that in a community with a huge age difference span not to celebrate birthdays. She imagined the Time Lords threw parties on anniversaries of their friendships or graduations. Yes, it made sense.

They browsed the bill of fare in silence for a while. Sarah didn't even look at the prices – she knew the Doctor had a limitless amount of money, otherwise he wouldn't have set anything up at all.

She looked down the balcony. The water was still and it reflected the last rays of sunlight gracefully. The sun was setting already and the sky was now mostly dark, though just above the horizon, it maintained a deep orange colour. The stars were slowly beginning to show.

Sarah found herself gazing up at the sky in wonder. Her current lifestyle put everything into perspective; she wondered how many of these lights were in fact planets such as the one she lived on, how many different civilizations were up there. How many of them had she aleady visited.

"I hope you like the view." She knew that he meant the stars because that was what he was looking at and, besides, there wasn't really anything else to look at.

"They're different from up close," she said.

He looked at her seriously.

"Everything is. Sarah-"

He was interrupted by the waiter who came to collect their order, which caused Sarah to yet again glance through the menu and then panic when she realised she had never seen the Doctor eat anything. She just hoped he wouldn't order anything like bits of paper or cat food or some alien fruit which only existed on Gallifrey.

"I'll have the steak. Medium rare."

Okay. No weird alien food preferences, then.

"And I'd like a Ceasar salad," Sarah added, still looking through the menu.

"Anything to drink?" The waited scribbled their order in a notebook.

"Yes, we'll have two glasses of brut champagne," the Doctor said before Sarah managed to ask for the fizzy water she had been intending to order.

"Is that all, sir?" Sarah stiffened a laugh at someone calling the Doctor 'sir'. Even in this attire, he looked childish to her.

"Yes, thank you." The Doctor was unaffected by her giggles.

A silence fell between the two. They looked at the gentle waves splashing against the ship's side. It was peaceful.

"I suppose this is what life comes down to," Sarah laughed eventually. "Is this already some sort of moral insensitivity?"

"What do you mean?" The Doctor looked up at her.

"That half of these people are going to be dead in a few months and we're not touched by that in any way."

"And would it help if we were 'touched'?"

"No, I suppose not." She seemed hesitant.

The Doctor nervously drummed his fingers on the table. He had thought the Titanic would be a good setting for an anniversary dinner for them; after all, it had all the qualities humans considered important: it was romantic, expensive and elegant. What he hadn't predicted was that Sarah could react to it with sorrow. Of course, he knew of the tragedy of the Titanic, but for him it only made the setting more interesting. He hadn't thought it could be _dramatic_ for her. So what he needed to do now was take her mind off the heavy subjects. Or even get to the point straight away.

"Sarah, I've been thinking…" He drifted off, hesitant.

"That's new," she laughed. He smiled briefly, but got serious again.

"I've been thinking," he repeated. "About us. I-"

But he didn't get to finish because at that moment, the waiter had returned with their dishes (suspiciously fast, the Doctor noticed with irritation) and the subject got dropped in favour of eating.

He managed to maintain a mostly casual conversation through most of the meal and even later, when they finished eating, but Sarah couldn't help but notice that the Doctor was distracted by something. She frowned.

"Is everything alright?" He stood up with a sigh and walked over to the edge of the balcony. She followed him unsurely. "Doctor?"

He fiddled with his glass of champagne as he stared at the horizon. His brow was furrowed, like always when he thought about something very hard. Sarah bit her lip in silent anticipation.

"Sarah, I wanted to ask you something."

 _'Will you marry me?'_ She thought, amused. Now, _that_ was highly unlikely, but what with the romantic setting, and the candle-lit dinner with champagne... She wasn't really sure what exactly was on his mind.

"Are you happy, Sarah?" He looked down at her; it was clear that he had been thinking about this for a very long time and her answer meant much to him.

She stared at him. It wasn't what she had been meaning to do, and it definitely wasn't something she would have done had the circumstances been any different, but she did it anyway. He had simply taken her by surprise. She had been expecting everything - knowing the Doctor, everything was possible - but not something that simple.

"Why are you even asking?" She didn't want to appear so, but she was touched. Didn't she look happy enough for him?

"I need to know if what we're doing..." He apparently decided that this sentence hadn't gone the right way, so he started over. "It's very important for me to know if what we do is what you want to do."

"What?" She cocked her head at him with that cute pout on her face. The Doctor stammered. It was hard enough to keep his mind on the conversation when she wasn't being overly adorable. Then again, what he considered 'overly adorable' was when she was angry or offended. Which probably explained why she won so many arguments.

"I mean… Travelling around the universe. With me." _And Harry, for the moment, but don't mention Harry. He's not the important part of it all._ "Does it make you feel… felicitous?" He cringed at his vocabulary. Better keep it simple. "Are you happy?"

Sarah stared at the Doctor as though he had asked her whether the sky was blue. She had thought the answer was more than obvious. Travelling with him? She loved doing that. The universe was vast and mysterious, but appealing and fascinating at the same time. And the Doctor was simply amazing. She couldn't think of anyone else she would rather have by her side through all that danger. A year…? Yes, she had to admit that she had completely lost track of time since she had met him, but she wouldn't have thought that it had been so short. Now that she looked back on it, she couldn't imagine her life _without_ the Doctor, and the thought that it had once been so scared her deeply. How had she managed? No, life was only worthwhile now. Travelling among the stars with the Doctor? It was all she could have asked for.

"Doctor, you are the fulfilment of my dreams," she answered honestly and immediately bit her tongue. " _This_ is the fulfilment of my dreams." She quickly corrected. What was happening with her? She was completely sure what she had been intending to say and yet it somehow came out as something else.

He didn't notice. If he did, he didn't care.

"That's good." He nodded. "I wouldn't want to drag you along despite your will."

"You wouldn't manage," she countered with a laugh.

"Ha." It was a simple acknowledgement that she had the higher ground. He held up his glass in a toast. "To the future, then." It would be, it appeared, their mutual future. Which was something worth celebrating.

And there was a spark in Sarah's eye when she raised her glass and looked at him in a way that he could describe as almost… _defiant_. As if she were daring him to disagree. He held that gaze. After all, it had only been a year. They had barely begun. Who knows what else would life have in stock for them?

"To the future."

* * *

 **A/N: Happy Valentine's Day! :D If you've got someone to love, that's's great! If you're like me and spend this day writing fanfics of your OTP, that's cool too**

 **Have a good one!  
-Wild**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: So sorry about the delay, but as a matter of fact I'm nearing a very important exam (beginnning of August) which, to be honest, my whole future pretty much depends on... Oh, what the hell. No one cares anyway. Just be sure that as soon as I have that behind me, I'll update much, _much_ more often. That is a promise.**

 **In other news, I just realised this fic is a tumblr ask blog xD**

 **Adrianna Jones asked:  
** ** _Would it hurt to write some post-regeneration drama?_**

 **Now, I'm pretty sure most of you are expecting the 3 to 4 regeneration... Which is exactly why I won't do it, ha! Gotta be original - and unexpected! ;)**

* * *

Sarah Jane wasn't sure what she was actually doing.

As she carefully eyed the young woman who sat across the table, fully aware that she in turn was inspecting her, Sarah wondered how exactly had she got into this place. As well as what would be the actual outcome of their meeting.

"Now, um," the girl began hesitantly and it actually calmed Sarah down that she was just as nervous as her. "Sarah Jane, right?"

"Yes." She confirmed, nodding mindlessly, thinking about something quite different. She snapped back to reality. "And it's..." She browsed her memory quickly. "Clara, isn't it?" The girl nodded. Sarah frowned. _Clara._ Not that far from 'Sarah'. She just hoped it was a coincidence.

She didn't like those talks.

She didn't like those _relationships._

Sure, she got along with Liz Shaw and Jo Jones just fine and still was in contact with Martha and Mickey Smith, but that was a different thing. They were like her. They chose to leave. She had honestly no idea how to approach the young woman, how to act. How was she even supposed to start an actual conversation?

Thankfully, she didn't have to.

"Alright, Sarah, this is-" Sarah interrupted her before she got to finish the sentence.

"Sarah _Jane_."

"Sarah Jane." Clara tried out the sound of the name, furrowing her brows in confusion as to why it had made her so angry. "Sarah Jane, this is something I wouldn't ask from anyone else."

Of course. Because the Doctor had regenerated and something went wrong and now he was out in the woods. And, of course, he had to have mentioned his friend _Sarah Jane Smith_ , because who else. Clara couldn't possibly know what exactly this was yet.

"Look after him." On second thoughts, she added "Please."

Sarah snorted a laugh, amused.

"Something wrong?" The younger woman furrowed her brows, not sure if she should feel offended.

"Nothing, it's just funny... When the Doctor first regenerated, those were the first words I heard. Look after him. That's what people tell me. _Look after him._ " She grinned. "As if the Doctor ever needed being looked after."

"He needs it more than anyone else," Clara snickered.

"Yes, you've got a point," Sarah agreed with a smile.

She decided to take the risk and like Clara Oswald.

"So you'll do it?" Clara furrowed her brows slightly. "Not because I ask you. Do it for him."

"Oh, don't worry. Nothing's gonna make me miss this." Sarah smiled. "It's the Doctor."

Clara frowned visibly.

"Exactly."

There was something in her voice that made Sarah suddenly uncomfortably sure that something was very wrong. She stiffened as she recognised the emotion. It was regret. Something bad must have happened, something she didn't know about yet. She was determined to find out what it was.

oooOOO~OOOooo

It had been at least two hours since Clara had left and Sarah Jane spent most of that time either staring ahead or at the Doctor, who was asleep on her couch. It was hard _not_ to look at him, actually, so she felt that she was excused. No matter how used to regeneration she got, every single time the Doctor changed was filled with hesitance and something that might very well be fear. She thought she had got used to it. She thought she would accept it without second thought. She was wrong, apparently, as she was still highly disturbed by the fact that he had _died_. Again.

And she was kind of angry at him. Kind of. How can you be angry at someone for dying? For all she knew, it might have been an accident. Run over by a car or something like this. If ever. Why was she lying to herself? It was the Doctor and she knew perfectly well that he did something either very stupid or very heroic, quite possibly both, what caused him to die and, as a result regenerate. She wasn't upset with the fact that he had changed, by no means! She would prefer him alive than dead any day and any way. The thing she was bitter about was the same as always; his sacrifice. Because he couldn't just let it go. He just couldn't, could he? Always-

She was distracted from her thoughts as he moved about.

"Clara?"

She shifted on her chair as she heard his new voice for the first time. Great, he was actually _Scottish_ this time around.

"Hello there." She looked down at him, smiling involuntarily, as soon as he fluttered his eyes open.

"Sarah Jane," he breathed it out in what seemed like relief. She didn't react, so he shut his eyes again.

"My head," he soon muttered, then hissed in pain after touching it.

"God, you're such a big baby," Sarah snorted, suddenly finding everything he did increasingly annoying as the first wonder of talking with him again disappeared and her previous emotions took its place. She knew it was ridiculous and that she had no reason to be angry at him, but it didn't make much of a difference in her feelings. He had died. He had done it again, even after everything he'd told her, even after he had promised he would be careful... He still put the lives of others before his own. It made her feel sick. "Is it that hard? At least once, can't you do something for yourself _at least once_?"

"Didn't do anything," he protested.

She wanted to slap him.

"You _died_."

"Right." He sat up with a sour expression. "Sorry. Completely forgot about that."

That time, she _did_ slap him. He didn't even protest, and she didn't want to know whether it was because he was just tired or if even he realised that he had gone too far.

What was the worst thing? She couldn't be angry at him, not really. She had never been able to. Even when they argued, she couldn't put her heart into it. It was hard not to like the Doctor, and it was even harder to actually be upset with him. Sometimes, she wished she could just hate him. It would be much easier to be angry at him then.

"Alright then," she tried not to look at him, even though he was staring at her pointedly. "Doctor..."

She realised she didn't know what to say. How to put it. Simple solutions are the best, she finally decided.

"Basically, you're grounded." Well, that didn't sound as bad as she had feared it would.

"I can't." Even his voice was weak. "Need to go to the TARDIS... Recover."

She rolled her eyes.

"I may not be a Time Lord, but even I know it wouldn't work. The first regeneration is always hard." She eyed him carefully. "Because this _is_ your first, isn't it, Doctor?"

He didn't answer and instead tried to get up.

"You should get more sleep now, you know."

"Don't need. Sleep's boring." He sprung to his feet lively.

 _You may find his behaviour somewhat... erratic._

Gee. Thanks. Back in 1974, she couldn't possibly have any idea that that unhelpful bit of unhelpful information would come in handy four decades later, of course, but now that she looked back on it, it all actually made sense. Except she didn't have all those UNIT soldiers and trained doctors by her side this time around, and she was pretty sure that if she wanted to try and convince him to stay, she wouldn't succeed. But still, in a way, the situation was the same as before too.

"That's wrong," she browsed her memory quickly, feeling as though she was looking through a manual. "You're supposed to be extremely tired during the first twenty-four hours." She glanced at the Doctor, who was staring into a mirror and furrowing his eyebrows with a confused expression. "Shouldn't you be asleep right now?"

"Funny, I swear I've seen this face before."

"Yes. In the mirror." She sighed. "Really, Doctor, you're not helping..."

"Why should I be helping with anything?" He sounded genuinely surprised. She inhaled deeply, trying to control herself.

"Because _I_ am trying to help _you_. If you could listen for a while-" She stopped, because she realised he actually was listening. He had sat down on the floor cross-legged and was looking up at her with an expression of mild interest. Well, mild interest was much better than no interest, Sarah decided. "You'll stay here for a few days and I'll help you recover. Then, when I decide that you are fit to go out again, we'll give you your TARDIS back."

"The TARDIS!" He jumped to his feet and ran out of the room and all the way to the kitchen. Sarah followed him unsurely. He was looking out the window. "Where's the TARDIS?"

"You're not fit-"

"Don't even start, Sarah Jane," there was a dangerous edge to his voice, but she knew not to take anything he might do during the next few hours seriously, "if you don't want to end like Harry did."

"Yes, you tied him up and locked in a cupboard," she recalled, smirking at the memory. "Wait!" He was heading back to the living room now. "Doctor!"

"What is it this time? Oh, humans, I hate you. So much talking all the time. I can't focus!"

"Just..." She was completely distracted by now. "What are you doing?"

"Well, I intended to go to sleep as you've been going on about for the last few minutes, but if you don't want that anymore, fine." He rolled his eyes melodramatically. "God, talk about moody. Can you stop changing your mind about things? It's very misleading!"

Erratic? He was downright _impredictable._

"Alright, fine. Go to sleep." She tried her best to be patient and had to admit that she was slowly reaching the breaking point.

He huffed without a word and threw himself onto the couch. He turned his back on her so that he was facing the wall and looked honestly quite miserable. Dammit, she wasn't supposed to sympathise with him.

"Wouldn't you be more comfortable on a bed?"

"I'm fine," he grumbled. She stood there in the middle of the room, not entirely sure what she was supposed to do. She noticed that hiss breath evened at some point and he was undoubtedly fast asleep, but she didn't move.

She was only now beginning to see all the aspects of the situation and for the first time wondered whether agreeing to this was a good idea. She hadn't thought about what it might be like, just that she would get to spend a few days with the Doctor. Now, she realised that she should have taken into account how Time Lords act after regeneration. And that she didn't say anything about this to her friends. And that Sky was coming back from a school trip the next day. She couldn't let the Doctor in this state get anywhere near children!

In the end, she decided that it didn't matter. He was there and he would apparently be there with her for a few more days. And with how they didn't get any time together- or almost any, at the very least - she was more than grateful for every moment spent with him. Even if it meant that he-

She abruptly stopped that thought. She didn't really think that, did she? It wasn't the way she felt. She loved- Again, her feelings surprised her, but yes, she _did_ love him. And she wanted to spend time with him. But when it meant his death... Was it worth it? She wasn't selfish enough to put her desire to meet the Doctor above her obvious desire to keep him alive, was she?

She sighed and buried her head in her hands. For a while she considered waking the Doctor to talk about her feelings with someone, but decided against it. First of all, she didn't exactly want to let him on how much she still cared about him because she didn't want him to think she wasn't over him and second of all, she reckoned he needed his rest while he was still prone to act weirdly.

Fine. _Let him sleep in peace, Sarah Jane. After all, this is the least you owe him._

Now she was angry at _herself_ for thinking that. She didn't owe him anything. He had _left_ her! (Well, yes, but then he came back.) After _thirty years_. (So what? He came back, didn't he?)

She tried her best not to think about how much this all was a definite symptom of schizophrenia.

Her life had always been a mess, hadn't it? And she thought that she really did need someone to help her get through with it. She used to think that that someone was the Doctor, but now she could see how childish that thought had been - in fact, the Doctor only added up to the general messiness of her life. He was great to have around, but... not quite the voice of reason she needed. Not all the time, at least.

Sarah walked upstairs to the attic. Mr Smith was still on for some reason - had she forgotten to turn him off? _Must be getting old._

"Mr Smith, could you open a visual link with K-9? I'd like to talk to Luke for a while."

"Complying," the Xylok said obediently. Soon, the image of Luke's bedroom in Oxford came into focus on the screen.

"Audiovisual conversation request from Mistress," K-9's voice said on the screen and Sarah smiled as her son sat down on the bed, facing the camera.

"Oh, hi mum." He was a bit surprised. "Is something wrong?" She came to realise that it was nearing midnight.

"No, no, I'm fine," Sarah quickly assured him. "Just wanted to talk with you. Look at me, getting all lonely," she laughed. Luke smiled briefly. "How are things? I hope you pay enough attention to the classes."

"Don't worry about that, it's really easy. We haven't even got to quantum physics yet." He looked at the screen closely. "Are you alright?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" She smiled, but didn't really mean it.

"You've been crying," he noticed.

"Oh yes, I suppose that... Well..." She let out a breath. Luke frowned; he was really concerned. "The Doctor died. A-" She paused. " _Again_. And you know, he's actually staying at our place for now..."

"Oh." She couldn't interpret the emotion in her son's voice.

"But I feel kind of... I don't know. It all feels wrong, somehow." She thought it was stupid to talk this over with Luke, of all people. If there was anyone worse suited for the task than the Doctor, it was him.

"If he's changed, it's only natural that you feel strange." Luke concluded sagely.

"But it's not. I should be used to this. Really, after all those years I should not be surprised by something as simple as complete cellular regeneration..." She shook her head with a laugh. "Oh, listen to me go. I spend too much time with the Doctor."

"What's wrong then?"

"I don't know. I just feel funny about the whole thing." Sarah threw her hands in the air. "Oh, I shouldn't bother you with this all. Besides, you-" she pointed with a finger to emphasise her point. "-should be asleep."

"Come to think of it, I do have a chemistry exam tomorrow..."

Sarah raised an eyebrow.

"Alright, mum. I'll go to sleep now. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Luke and... thank you. For talking."

He smiled and ended the call.

"Sarah Jane," Mr Smith chimed in as soon as they were finished talking. "Shall I make a bio-scan of the Doctor?"

"What?" Sarah was surprised. "Why?"

"I thought you would find it useful to monitor his state."

"Oh." She didn't doubt the Doctor would never agree to that. "Yes, that makes sense. Proceed with the operation."

After all, she had to take care of him now.

oooOOO~OOOooo

"Now, easy," she said as she helped him get up from the couch. "Take it slowly. Baby steps. That's fine."

He would get angry that she was helping him _walk,_ then even angrier when he'd realise that he actually needed the help.

She would be patient. He would get frustrated every time he got something wrong, every time she would offer him the help he needed or ask if he was fine. She listened patiently to all of his insults (and sometimes, though more rarely, complaints) about the universe and then she would just offer help again.

She supposed that, somewhere deep inside, he had to be thankful.

It was getting harder and harder to get on with the Doctor, especially since he seemed to be completely set on having them act like strangers, but she was determined to find a bright side. At least they finally looked the same age. It had taken how long? 40 years? For her. For him, it had to be _centuries_. He was older. She could see it now, and it was very clear. He had been very old even before, back when they were both _young_ (relatively speaking), and he was certainly much older when they had reunited seven years ago, but now- He just seemed so hurt. She couldn't know exactly how much he had lost, but it was there. In the shine of his eyes when he would avoid looking at her after a personal question was asked, in the furrow of his brows as he slept, undoubtedly haunted by nightmares as he always had been.

She just wished it would all go away.

She wanted to help him. He didn't deserve all that pain and suffering. Of all the people in the universe, the Doctor was, she knew, the most troubled and the least deserving it. And yet he still refused to accept her help. One of the advantages of what was happening at the moment was that in their current situation, he didn't actually have a choice. Yes, there were quite a few good points of it. He was there with her - or rather, _she_ was there with _him_ \- and they would apparently be living together for a while. That is, until she decided he was good to go. He had no choice, he had to stay with her. He didn't have a TARDIS to fly away in; Clara and Sarah had made sure of that. With a combination of their confused, unsure knowledge of the ship's controls, they managed to actually fly it. Kind of. At least they both knew where it was and how to get there.

But Clara had to get back to her usual job and Sarah- well, Sarah worked from home. She could keep an eye on a sick Time Lord.

"I am never gonna get used to this," Clyde commented when he came along to borrow a book from her. It was only then that it hit her that she hadn't mentioned the situation to her friends and had to explain that that strange man on her couch was the Doctor.

Rani had turned out to be more sensitive and had sensed that the two needed to be left alone, for which Sarah was extremely grateful at the beginning. She initially tried to cut herself off from other people and focus completely on tending to the Doctor, but she soon found his attitude unbearable and decided to make the kids come along as often as was possible.

She thought he was going to drive her insane with those bitter comments about everything. (And there she was thinking that his _third_ regeneration had made him a bit crazy. It was _nothing_ compared to what she was going through now.) It was supposedly all because of that new regeneration cycle. Apparently, his biological everything was going crazy, and that was why it made an imprint on his mentality as well.

Sarah didn't care about the science behind it. He was being absolutely unbearable, and it didn't matter why. It was all just an excuse.

It was funny, because she had never thought their relationship was awkward before.

And it turned out that, in a way, it apparently was. She could blame it on regeneration, she knew she could. Something like that was bound to leave a scar on a relationship. But the fact remained that they both weren't completely sure how to act around each other. She kept her distance but inside she wanted to push things between them now that he was so close. She just didn't how. She would also catch the Doctor, who was in an admittedly better situation, stealing hesitant glances at her, too, and then looking away quickly when he realised he was being watched.

The thing that she paid the most attention to was his new melancholic behaviour. She suspected it wasn't natural and quickly figured out that, although he wouldn't likely admit it out loud for the sake of whatever was left of their friendship, he was getting bored of staying at one place. He acted really silently and barely talked to her. Not at all unless spoken to first, actually, and even then with short, brief responses. It always felt as though he had something else on his mind.

She would sometimes notice him standing in the doorway at night and gazing at the stars longingly. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was on his mind. And after all, she couldn't keep him there against his will. She was done with those selfish acts of keeping the Doctor by her side.

With time, the Doctor's attitude had calmed down too, and she suspected he must have got over the regeneration already. There was no need to keep him there any longer. She didn't have the right. Oh, she had to admit that his place wasn't by her side. He belonged out there in space, saving people and planets just like he always had. The universe needed its hero.

Even if it meant she was going to lose hers.

oooOOO~OOOooo

"Doctor?"

She stood silently in the doorway, waiting patiently until he would look up from the book he was reading. He had been doing that a lot lately, especially this particular title. A quick glance at the cover confirmed her suspicions; it was H.G. Wells's _The Time Machine._ He had read that one at least five times during the last few days. Well, if that was his way of trying to tell her something, then she didn't know what he thought of her.

"What is it?" He closed the book, marking the page with his finger.

"You know, I've been thinking..." She winced and looked down to avoid his gaze. "And I think you should have this back."

She held up the TARDIS key without any enthusiasm. One thing she had to admit about the Doctor: he didn't react as strongly as she had thought he would.

"That's nice," he simply acknowledged and went back to his reading.

Sarah stared at him with no comprehension. She had prepared a little speech about how life carries on and everyone has to choose their own path and everything, but she hadn't anticipated this kind of reaction on his side.

"And that's it?" She asked. She wasn't sure what she had been expecting, but certainly not that.

He rolled his eyes, closed the book and put it aside.

"And what would you want me to do instead?"

"...I don't know," she admitted. "Run away without saying goodbye? That's more like you."

"Sarah." His voice was filled with pain. "Surely you don't think I hate being with you so much that I'd run away as soon as possible."

"I..." She hesitated. "I didn't want to keep you here." _I can't keep him here, I can't keep him here._ "You know, there's that old saying, 'if you love something, you let it go'. I hadn't understood it once, not before you left me- I'd thought you left me, but now I understand you were simply letting me go. I understand you - I know the way you think, Doctor. And I know you wanted to keep me safe, all those years ago. You thought you'd let me live the life you could never have. I understand it all. And this is what I'm doing; I'm letting you go. So you can do something for me. Go and save the world as many times as you can. Please, just do it for me. Find Clara Oswald- Has she known you for long? Before you regenerated?"

"Not long, no."

"Go to her and show her the universe. Just like you've showed me. And then, only then, you can come back here and say 'Thank you, Sarah Jane. You've helped me remember who I am.' That is the end of the discussion."

He opened his mouth, but she didn't let him say anything.

"You are not a good man, Doctor. I really don't think you are. Because sometimes, you let yourself go a bit too far." She looked down. "But I think it's fine, because making mistakes is just... human... and you don't have to be proud of it to know that it's necessary, in a way. No one is perfect." She smiled. "Not even you. But you can make things better by at least trying. And you? You do so much more! You've saved so many people through all those years...! I think that, in the end, everything you've done- it does count for something." She didn't let her voice falter as she grabbed his hand. "Don't let it go to waste."

There was a moment of silence as he stared at her, dumbstruck. He tried to say something, but didn't succeed, so they ended up standing there in silence. Finally, the Doctor found the strength to speak up.

"...Where's the TARDIS?"

Sarah bit her lip. Clara had decided that it was more than appropriate - and Sarah herself couldn't help but agree, even though it had been somewhat hard to make it - but now she thought that it was kind of mean. Still, she found it rather funny.

"Aberdeen."

The expression on his face made it more than worth the effort.

* * *

 **A/N: I felt like he should get a taste of his own medicine xD Also, this Doctor (12, in case you somehow haven't realised) is kind of more independent from his companions than most of his predecessors, and I thought it would be funny to explain this by how Clara and SJ kind of left him to fend for himself.**

 **Side note: I don't like this chapter. I feel like I've wasted loads of potential.**

 **Also, this is just a friendly reminder that leaving a review with a chapter idea immediately puts it in a queue and I get on to it as soon as I can ;) and leaving any review at all motivates me greatly.**

 **'Til the next time!**

 **-Wild**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: T** **hey made me put this thing before this chapter:**

 **WARNING**

 **THIS CHAPTER IS RATED T FOR ALCOHOL ABUSE**

 **Proceed at your own risk and all that nonsense. Really, there isn't much of a graphic description or anything, so I don't know that the fuss is all about.**

 **Simply enjoy the story :)**

* * *

He was drunk.

As he stumbled down the street, desperately trying to prevent the world from spinning, a thought somewhere deep inside of him told him that this was only going to get him into trouble, but he shut that rational part of his brain off. He just needed to kill the sorrow. And yes, he did try to drown it at the bottom of a bottle. It wasn't like he hadn't ever got drunk before and, after all, humans seemed to do so all the time, so there was nothing to be ashamed of. That was how he tried to reason with himself, at least.

He stopped to clutch his stomach as he felt a sudden urge to throw up. Quickly taking the turn right into some smaller alley, he pressed himself against the wall. His whole body was damp from sweat and he was shivering. Fantastic. Maybe he was even sick. Could he, potentially, catch a cold? Just how hot was it on that damned planet? Hell, he wasn't even sure what planet it was exactly.

He vomited all over himself.

Great, now he was in a total state of ultimate disarray.

"Oh, dear." The voice brought him from his moping to the harsh reality, which was him laying half-conscious in a pool of his vomit in a dirty alley somewhere.

 _Please, don't stop here. Don't notice me. Just... walk past me and everything will be fine._

She didn't. Of course. As if the day couldn't get any worse.

It was someone he actually _knew_.

She stopped.

"Oh, God." She covered her mouth as soon as she saw the state he was in. "Doctor." He hated her for the way she could say just one word: with so much anger and accusation and disappointment at the same time. She was making him feel even worse than he already had been.

"Hello, Sarah Jane," he grumbled.

"Who did this to you?" She knelt down next to him. For a moment, his post-alcohol sluggish mind tried to understand what the question meant. Slowly, he joined the facts: he had no way of knowing how exactly he looked at the moment, but he was sure he was pretty beaten up. Hence her assumption that someone must have done something to him. But _who_...? That question was ridiculous.

"You're looking at him, far as I'm aware."

She made a face and for a moment he hoped she would actually walk away, but no. She brushed the wet strands of hair from his forehead. He had been guessing correctly when he thought he must have been completely covered in sweat, then.

"Why would you ever do that to yourself?" She dropped the grocery bags, completely focused on what had always been a superior task in her life: helping the Doctor.

He didn't want that help, he didn't _need_ that help. He took a sip from the bottle he was still holding and winced. He tasted vomit.

"Just leave me here," he muttered. "I'd rather be alone."

"And what is this?" She took the bottle from his hand in spite of his protests. She winced. " _Alcohol?_ Doctor, really-"

Sarah didn't know what to say, so she simply shook her head in disapproval. She realised this wasn't getting anywhere.

"TARDIS?"

He waved a hand about.

"Somewhere."

She sighed.

"Come on, then." She got up and offered him a hand.

"Seriously, just leave me." Sarah bit her lip; he wasn't joking.

She knew that she had to help him, but she had no idea how to approach him in this state, especially as he was undoubtedly very much _drunk_. Was that even safe for Time Lords? She had never seen him drink alcohol - definitely not the amount that would lead to the state he was currently in.

"Doctor, please." If being stern didn't work, she had to try begging him instead. No response. "Doctor?" She knelt down next to him again. Great, he was out now.

She couldn't leave him like that, could she?

Sarah decided that calling for a taxi would be the best course of action, as dragging him along all the way to Bannerman Road didn't really sound very appealing. She didn't doubt she would manage to do it if she had to: he was roughly the size of a teenager now - a rather slim teenager, to add up - and she had always found some incredible amounts of strength, both mental and physical, when the Doctor was in need. But no, it wouldn't be right. First of all, people would be staring. It's not like she had tons of privacy as it was - no, with neighbours like that, it seemed almost impossible - but dragging an unconscious and almost definitely drunk man into her house would make her the primary subject of gossip for the next few months.

The cab came rather quickly, which she was eternally grateful for. God knows how long the Doctor had been laying on the ground, and what effects would it have on his organism. No matter how strong he seemed, he was just one person and Sarah could see that he was already quite damaged by what he had done to himself on his own and he didn't need the help of the environment to bring harm to himself.

The driver frowned when she tried to pull the unconscious Time Lord inside the car.

"Drank too much?" He asked, wincing sympathetically. Sarah stopped to stare at him in shock. The way he said it made it so normal, so relatable... She simply couldn't connect the Doctor with anything ordinary.

"Yes..." She confirmed with some surprise. "That he did."

She quickly collected her shopping and got into the cab. The driver, thankfully, left her in peace once she told him the address, so she had a while to think all of this through.

She looked out the window, then at the Doctor. She had no idea what she was doing. She had acted on an impulse, sure, but now was the time to calm down and look at everything rationally. The Doctor needed help, that much was clear. But she was worried that the help he needed was a kind she couldn't give him. A psychiatrist's help, maybe?

What had happened? She buried her head in her hands, too aware of her helplessness in the situation. What could possibly have happened to make the Doctor so despaired to run away from reality? She hated how little she knew about his life. She didn't know what it was like now at all.

 _I travel with Amy now. And Rory._ And that was all. He hadn't said anything more, she hadn't asked. It just hadn't seemed that important back then. Now, she felt that she should have.

She didn't know _anything_ about his life. About his friends or anything... Damn it, she didn't even think she knew his age. And he in turn had always known everything. He had always cared. Always had done his research. _That must be Clyde, and that will be Rani._.. She hadn't told him their names. She hadn't told him anything more than a brief mention of a fourteen-year-old son. The next time they met, he knew all about Luke. He _cared_. Damn it, and what did that make _her_? What was she doing? She didn't even know what had happened, except that it must have touched him personally.

"Bannerman Road 13?" She snapped back to reality and looked out the window. The car was indeed parked next to her home now.

"Yes..." She said absent-mindedly. "That's it."

She quickly paid for the service and did a pretty bad job of pulling the Doctor out of the cab. He groaned quietly as she put an arm around him in a vain attempt to get him to stand upright. He tried looking around, but she saw that he was still mostly out of it.

"If you don't want to cooperate, fine. Just don't make this harder."

She wasn't completely sure if he as much as understood her, but she knew for one that he was listening. That was a start. "Alright, door." He still wasn't able to stand on his own, but now was a bit more conscious and she could simply just keep him standing straight instead of actually dragging him. Sarah fumbled with her bag for a while until she found the keys and was finally able to unlock the door. They stumbled inside and she quickly shut the door behind them. The Doctor leaned on a wall, breathing heavily, and for a moment she feared he would pass out or throw up again. She kicked off her shoes, threw her coat onto a chair and put her arm around him in concern.

"Can you walk?"

The only response she received was an erratic shake of his head. Well, this was at least some form of communication. She carefully led him to the living room, aware that he needed being taken care of in many ways, mental and physical, and that what she _could_ focus on for now was either getting him some clean clothes or letting him get some sleep. His head fell on her shoulder. The second option it was, then.

She winced, probably for the first time ever thankful that Luke didn't live with her anymore. This would be more than hard to explain to her son.

"Okay, lie down on the couch." When he didn't oblige, she added a meaningful "Please."

That word seemed to work on him.

===oooOOO~OOOooo===

He had probably dosed off into sleep, because the next thing he knew, he was lying on the couch in nothing more than a dressing gown which was not even his own. _That takes me back_. Ugh. He felt a dull ache in his chest. Heart strained maybe? Or just tired with his lifestyle. He couldn't actually focus. Scratch that, as much as _thinking_ was hard - his head hurt unbelievably. His whole body felt stiff and alien to him and he couldn't help but wonder if that was his organism's reaction to the alcohol or the loss of his friends.

He groaned, trying to sit up.

"I don't think it's going to be that easy," Sarah Jane's voice seemed to appear out of nowhere. And taking that he was already feeling as though he was nowhere, it was coming from everywhere. "You're due to one hell of a hangover." His vision suddenly came into focus, but not as sharp as he would have liked. The whole image was still rather blurred. At least, he could see Sarah Jane now. She was scowling at him, but he could tell that she was not angry, just concerned. _Sarah._ Never angry, no matter how much of a fool he made of himself. "Have you any idea how much alcohol you've drunk? _Fourteen_ vodka shots... Doctor, that is-"

Whatever she had been intending to say- however she had intended to _scold_ him - because honestly, even after all those hundreds of years (he knew that it hadn't even been half a century for her, but it was sometimes hard to remember that, especially when your head is spinning like crazy and there's some suspicious ringing in your ears) she still felt as though she had to scold him and treat him like a child that needed being taken care of, even though he was over a thousand years old and she was nothing but a silly little human... He hated proving her right about it, but he _was_ the child she so easily mistook him for.

"They're gone, Sarah." He whispered. "They're gone."

He fell back onto the sofa, burying his head in his hands.

"They're gone."

She didn't know how to answer- or felt that she shouldn't. Either way, he was extremely grateful for the silence as he lay down, burying his feelings deep inside of himself.

"Doctor," he heard Sarah's soft voice close to his face. He opened his tightly shut eyes and stared at her. She was looking at him sadly. "It's alright to let go."

She grabbed his forearm sympathetically and that was when it all fell apart inside of him as he surrendered to the overpowering wave of emotions washing through him. He wasn't completely sure, but it's possible that he cried. He wasn't fully conscious at the moment, so he could only guess. There was one thing he was sure of, and it was Sarah Jane sitting next to him all the time, not trying to console him or cheer him up, not saying a word, just letting him take it all out.

He hadn't exposed himself to another person so much in a very long time, and he happily embraced the comfort it brought. He knew that he could break down in front of her and she wouldn't abandon him. That new emotion he was struggling to grasp was trust. Not just the usual friendly trust. He trusted her completely at the moment, and entrusted with the most damaged, most intimate part of himself - his heart. He could open it up in front if her. Show the way he was really feeling. Surprisingly, it didn't hurt. Showing his pain to another person didn't make it a weakness. Not with Sarah Jane. Merely her presence by his side gave him the strength to face his feelings.

 _Somehow..._

He had no idea how it worked, but it did and he felt guilty about not having noticed it earlier; he had always been aware of it in some way, but never actually took the time to fully realise it.

She made him stronger.

* * *

 **A/N: Not really sure what to write here. Not sure if anyone actually reads these notes, either.**

 **Writing the Doctor drunk is both fun and complicated, since we don't really see it in the show, but I could imagine Eleven's reactions quite easily - he's very flexible for me as a writer. I love writing for him.**

 **This is the idea I've had stuck with me for a while: 'the Doctor is extremely upset because of something, so he goes to a pub and sort of drinks himself out of consciousness and Sarah Jane finds him in that state'. Then I added some details and voilà - a chapter.**

 **"It doesn't seem that hard when you put it that way"  
** **-Wild**


	10. Chapter 10

**(I should be studying, not writing this. I am _so_ gonna fail my exams...)**

 **Oliver Frost asked:  
** ** _Why can't this fanfic ever have a normal chapter when the characters simply confess love to each other? You know, the cheesy kind that everyone hates to love._**

 **My answer is, of course it can. Here you go, sir.**

 ***warning: it is _very_ cheesy. And bad. It's _terrible_ , if I can say so myself xD**

* * *

As she watched the TARDIS fade away, Sarah fought to hold back the tears building up in her eyes.

 _Don't forget me._

How could he? How could he even dare to say that? It was impossible to forget the Doctor, one does not just forget him, especially not after they've been together through so much. She hated him for putting her feelings for him into doubt. She despised him for the way he played on _her_ goodbye. She was angry at him for not staying now, when she needed him the most. She loved the kids and had no doubt they would support her through this hard time, but she needed the Doctor, just like she always had. And, to top the chaotic mess her feelings already were, she felt good about how he hadn't stayed. It helped her cling to the belief that this was all true. The Doctor comes and goes, and that's the way it is.

"You were right, Sarah Jane," one of the kids said, but she was too numb to realise who it was. "He is amazing."

"Yes, he is." She answered, putting way too much effort into not crying. She tried to smile. "And so are we."

oooOOO~OOOooo

She had sent Luke downstairs to avoid the situation in which she would have a sort of mental breakdown and he would have to be witness of it. She tried to force herself to cry, but the truth was that she was too emotionally spent for that, so she just sat there, staring ahead with a blank expression for what felt like ages, though couldn't have been more than an hour.

There were three shy knocks on the door to the attic, where she had locked herself. She supposed that she would have to face real life again eventually, so - technically - it was better to do that earlier than later.

Sarah opened the door and almost choked on the air.

"I'm sorry." The Doctor was standing in the doorway with a sad look upon his face and, for the record, looked exactly the same as he had an hour earlier. "Sarah," he protested when she tried to close the door at him.

"Sarah _Jane_." Why? Why did she even do that? She loved the way he called her. She loved _him,_ too. Then why was she angry at both now?

"Sarah, I can't-" She could hear the hesitance in his voice. Oh, wonder. The Doctor at a loss of words. "I am- I just wanna talk."

She didn't react.

"Please."

She closed her eyes and slowly exhaled. She opened the door.

"Well, there we have it. The almighty Time Lord steps down to the common people because he actually feels bad about what he's done."

"Sarah, please-" He was hurt, but she didn't care much.

"Don't call me _Sarah_." Her heart was screaming at her to stop, but her mind was set on cold, heartless revenge.

"I know that I've hurt you, I'm sorry-"

"And you just think it's all magically going to be fine just because you actually bothered yourself to come here? Is it some kind of honour?"

"I didn't mean to-"

"It's _not_ going to be fine. Did you really think that after having my heart broken again, all I needed was a _goodbye_?!" She bit her tongue as soon as she realised she said the 'again' aloud. "What exactly do you think I feel towards y-?!"

Looking at that situation from retrospect, the Doctor was pretty sure he hadn't been meaning to kiss Sarah Jane. He definitely wasn't planning on it, and he was sensible enough to know when was the right time for such things and that this was clearly not it. And yet something had pushed him to do it. Maybe it was the way she was shouting at him, with so much regret and spite, maybe it was the young body which betrayed him in the least suitable situations, or maybe the fact that he should have done it years ago. Whatever the reason, he found himself pressing his lips onto Sarah's, who, somehow, didn't actually protest against it as she gasped in surprise, and enjoying it maybe a bit too much than he should be.

He quickly pulled away, eyes widening in terror at what he had done. At the audacity of his actions.

Sarah Jane stared at him, shocked and unable to utter a word. She was trembling. He realised that he couldn't look her in the eye and felt actually relieved when she turned around. They stood in silence for what felt like ages and he knew he hadn't felt so guilty since the Time War.

"I'd like you to leave." Her voice was barely more than a whisper. "Please."

He stood in his place.

"Sarah-" He tried to sound as soft and gentle as he knew possible, but he knew that, no matter how hard he may try, it would never be enough. He had hurt her more than he would have if he hadn't come back at all. She had waited all those years for him and now that they were finally together again, what did he do? How did he treat her? It was most definitely not right. And he knew that it was ultimately and exclusively his fault. If only he could stay away. But he couldn't. That was the problem; he really couldn't. That was why her words hurt so much.

"Go _away_." He could tell she was on the edge of breaking into tears and was just restraining herself until he was away so that he wouldn't see her cry.

And that was what he did. He turned on heel and ran. Out of the room, down the stairs, through the hall. He ran into Luke, who was just leaving the bathroom at that moment.

"Doctor?" He was shocked to see him. Perhaps even more shocked to see him in that state. The Doctor couldn't see himself, but he suspected he must have looked terrible.

He didn't answer. He didn't stop. He ran out of the house and down the street, emotions boiling inside of him. The dull pain in his chest was pulsing in rhythm with his every step. _Go away_ , Sarah Jane's voice echoed in his head, the only sound louder than the blood pumping through his body which practically deafened him to the outside world. Why did it hurt so much? Why did it hurt so much?

He found the TARDIS, but was too shaken up to go inside. He just pressed his face to the cold wood of the police box. He could feel the faint pulse of life beneath his skin. It was comforting, somehow. It didn't help him ease the pain, but it was nice to know that he wasn't alone.

"Why does it hurt so much?" He whispered. At that point, he didn't care much about what was happening to him and slid down the wall of the TARDIS until he was sitting on the cold concrete of the pavement. "Why can't it just stop?"

He sat there until his breath regulated and then shakily stood up and entered the ship. The door shut behind him louder than he had suspected it would, the power of the sound magnified by the depressing silence. It seemed to just only now sink in that he had just ruined the relationship with the only one of his companions who still wanted to see him.

 _They break my heart._

He had lied to Jackson that day. They had already broken both his hearts, and that was the truth of the matter.

It was really hard to go on. At times, he wanted to just stop. To end it all. But something kept him going, and it was them. Always them. He wasn't alone. He still had Martha and Mickey and... Sarah Jane.

His hearts sank. Not anymore. Because he knew she would not forgive him. He knew that they were friends and that was all they ever would be, no matter how he ever felt about it. Kissing Sarah then and there was unfair and selfish. She had spent thirty years believing he was gone. He didn't have the right to act on his feelings now, not after everything she had been through. It was just wrong.

The abrupt knocking on the door saved him from drowning in the treacherous ground of his mind.

"You've got to go back and apologise to her." Luke entered the TARDIS without even waiting for the Doctor to actually open the door. "Doctor?"

He didn't move from his spot on the floor, his fingers idly playing with the sonic screwdriver he found in his pocket. _Go away._

Luke stiffened with a frightened expression. The Doctor realised it must have been the first time anyone spoke to him telepathically. Oh, very well. Let the boy be scared. He wasn't in the mood for talking.

"It's no use sitting here moping."

The Time Lord looked up in surprise. Luke was kneeling down to him with a less afraid expression on his face.

"What can you know, Luke? You're barely two years old." He purposefully phrased it the way it would hurt the most. He wanted him to go away. He wanted to be alone.

"Mum always says I'm fifteen."

"Well, she doesn't know what she's talking about, then."

"But she does know _some_ things, doesn't she? She knows you, for instance. And if she hadn't expected you returning today, then it's not normal. Why did you come back?"

"I suppose I wanted-" The Doctor stopped. Why was he telling Luke all of this? Why was he even having this conversation? "I needed to see Sarah again."

"Okay, here we have it." Luke nodded. "And what exactly have you done instead? Because whatever it was, it left her crying for a solid half an hour."

He hadn't realised it had been so long.

"And do you know what you have to do now?" Luke's eyes were shining and the Doctor had to close his to think about the answer.

oooOOO~OOOooo

Another knock on her door.

"Luke, I told you, I don't want to talk to-" She angrily swung the door open and froze.

A bouquet of flowers. Tulips. White.

"I would have got roses, 'cos roses are good for apologies, but you never liked them, so instead I went for the next best thing. I hope you don't mind."

Sarah found it hard to as much as utter a word.

"...Doctor?"

She couldn't believe he was still there. She couldn't believe he was just talking about flowers like that; about nothing important like nothing had happened.

"I am sorry, Sarah. I know how much I must have hurt you by acting on my feelings the way I did. I shouldn't have ever done that. I know that I put you in an uncomfortable situation and I'm sorry. I really am." He must have realised how artificial and unconvincing this must have sounded because he looked down. "Just wish I could turn back time." She cracked a smile at that. "If you don't accept my feelings, that's fine. I just don't want to lose your friendship. Please. I value it more than anything."

"Well?" Luke raised an eyebrow. Sarah hadn't noticed him up until then.

"Well what?" The Doctor was perplexed, as well as a bit embarrassed that the kid had heard him say all of that.

"That's not it, is it? You haven't told her you love her yet."

"Luke!" Sarah exclaimed.

"Come on. Without me, you two would never get this far." He looked first at his mother, then at the Doctor, as if unsure who to focus on.

"...Maybe you _could_ leave us alone," the Doctor suggested gently. Luke glared at him.

"No. Because you two need to talk." He fixed his eyes on them. "Properly."

"So..." The Time Lord was, obviously, beginning to see what Luke meant.

"So go on. Say how you've been feeling all along."

"All along?" Sarah asked, surprised.

"Yes. All along..." The Doctor nervously stepped in place. "I've let emotions build up inside of me." She had been prepared for something like that, but his next words caught her by surprise and she finally understood what was going on. "I guess I was a bit down after Jo got married. I've always liked her, you know? And it hurt to see her happy with another, younger man." If he was going to tell her his life story now, then... Sarah stopped herself. Then she would listen to what he had to say before she judged him. _Hear him out_. It was the least she could do. "But then this new girl comes round, even more beautiful, and she's intelligent. Smart, resourceful and attractive - and I begin to think, not bad. Maybe things will turn out well for me. Then I got to know you." He laughed briefly. "That was when it was over for me." He said the next words slowly, as if carefully considering each one of them. "You won my heart, Sarah Jane Smith. You've had it from the very beginning." She stared at him with an expression that was hard to read, but he couldn't stop now. "I didn't realise- or didn't _want_ to realise how much you meant to me... Then I regenerated. And for a moment I was afraid I would lose you. But you didn't leave me, you never did.

"I was too caught up in myself at the time to realise what was really going on, but I knew that you couldn't see me the way I saw you and that hurt. I only took Harry along with us 'cause I knew I wouldn't bare being alone with you. It turned out it was not enough; I still wanted something I knew I couldn't have. And then all that business with Rassilon came up and I just sort of figured this was a good excuse for me to avoid hurting you more than I already have."

"You said humans weren't allowed on Gallifrey." Her face bore a look of disbelief at what he was telling her - could he really mean that?

"I lied." He looked down at his feet. "I didn't want to risk you. So I dropped you off. Aberdeen instead of London, so that I could be completely sure you would hate me. I _wanted_ you to hate me, Sarah. Just wanted to be completely sure you wouldn't go looking for me." He buried his face in his hands with a sigh. "You deserve better. You deserve so much better than me." He looked her straight in the eyes and she could see the fire within his. "I'm not a knight in shining armour. I'm not a hero. I... Look at me, I'm a _murderer._ And you..." He shook his head, breaking the eye contact. "You're just too _perfect_.

"That day in Deffrey Vale... I had been trying so hard to forget my old life, but then suddenly it all crashed me in the face. You hadn't changed at all since the day I left you, and neither did my feelings for you. Even after all those years, nothing could compare. I..." He hesitated. "When you said that you didn't want to come with me, I felt shattered, Sarah. I had no idea what went wrong, if I said something bad or did something wrong... Why you didn't want me anymore. Because I still wanted you, I- I _needed_ you with me. Still do." He sighed. "I only acted the way I did because I couldn't handle the emotions gnawing me. I'm sorry, Sarah, I truly am. I should never have placed you in such an uncomfortable position, it was wrong. I know you have every right to not forgive me now, but... I still don't want to lose you."

There was a moment of silence. The Doctor looked at Sarah with hopeful expectation, Sarah looked at the Doctor with shocked disbelief, while Luke decided that there was no danger of a death or a regeneration that day anymore and they could be left alone from then on, and silently slipped out of the room.

Sarah still regarded the Doctor unsurely.

"I'm trying to say that I love you," he explained with a baffled expression. Sarah laughed.

"I know."

"Oh." He glanced around nervously, not sure what to do in this turn of events. "Well... Oh. Then-"

She pushed aside some hair from his forehead.

"Is it... fine?" He asked unsurely.

Sarah looked into his eyes with a serious expression and apparently saw something good because she slowly smiled. He gave a short half-laugh too, like he often did in this incarnation, but she could see that he didn't really know what to do.

"It is."

He wouldn't have felt so confident if she hadn't been the fist one to lean in and kiss him. Even then, he was slightly shocked and stiffened at first, but soon relaxed and put his hands on her waist. He could feel Sarah's hands roaming through the wild mop of hair on his head all the while too and he soon realised that their height difference was still big enough that he would have to pick her up if they wanted to continue.

She slowly pulled away, though, and he stood without moving a muscle for a minute. She regarded him with an amused smile.

"Well." He ran a hand through his hair to return it to its usual state of artistic disarray. "I think that was... I mean..." He exhaled slowly, eyes wide. " _Sarah_."

"We are so stupid, Doctor." She shook her head. "Have you ever wondered how differently things might have gone between us if we'd confessed our feelings earlier?"

"Meaning...?"

Sarah opened her mouth, but didn't find the courage to speak. She took in a breath, then exhaled with a laugh. The Doctor frowned; he was surprised by that.

"I'm not so sure of my feelings," she laughed. "I never let myself think of us that way because you've always seemed to make it so clear that we're just friends and nothing more that I thought it should be obvious. But way down inside of me, I think I've been feeling differently all along. Do you know when I realised it was love? Not when you died. Not when you came back to life. Not even during any of those wonderful adventures we've had together, but once I was back home. Only when I felt that emptiness and felt that there was something oh so important missing from my life, I realised how important it had been." She stiffed a laugh. "It was... frustrating, to realise the nature of my feelings when it's too late to act on them.

"Seeing you again after all those years was like a dream came true. A dream I have long since given up on. And no, I'm not angry at you for not coming back earlier. Not anymore, at least. Because you know, the funny thing is that I can't imagine any way things could have gone better."

"You don't always see me." He looked down.

"I don't need to. You're there." She touched a hand to his cheek. "You're alive. How could I ask for more?"

"But you deserve more. I should have been there with you. Sarah, I am not a good..." He drifted off. A good what? Friend? Could he really still say that after everything that's happened in the last few minutes? No, he supposed he couldn't.

"Doctor?"

"What?" He was thankful that she saved him the trouble of finishing that sentence.

"Promise me something: leave now. I know you're rubbish at goodbyes, and, to be honest, so am I, so please... Don't make this harder than it already is."

He simply nodded and turned towards the exit. He turned back to look at her again. Even through the tears and everything, he could see the strength. It was good. No matter what happened, she would carry on. And that was good, because he didn't want to lose her.

"...I love you, Sarah Jane Smith." He made it sound as though it was something that surprised him.

She laughed ruefully.

"Tell me something I don't know."

* * *

 **A/N: I did this. I wouldn't have if it hadn't been a request, but I did this.**

 **From the very first moment when I saw Oliver's comment, I knew that the Doctor and Sarah Jane had to kiss in this chapter. It was inevitable: I don't think there are many other things that could have made them confess their feelings, aside from an obvious situation in which one of the characters is dying (which I don't quite intend to write, but who knows. Maybe one day I will.) Anyway, I really didn't know how to pull this off, but I think I did pretty well. Especially taking that I tried to rush this chapter because I didn't have anything to upload.**

 **And Luke is very OOC in here, I know, but I had to find someone who would play matchmaker for this chapter (though now that I look back on it, Clyde would have worked better).**

 **Please write a review. I feel seenzoned (hits and views with no reviews). Why don't you want to tell me what you think? I think we're missing a vital part of writer-reader communication here.**

 **Review!  
** **-Wild**


	11. Chapter 11

**Jane Avelyne asked:  
** ** _From what I gather, you take requests, so could you please write a chapter with the twelfth Doctor after he found Gallifrey?_**

 **The funny thing is, I've been meaning to write something like this anyway, so... here you go.**

 **Oh, and I'm not about to play a game of introductions/beginnings, cause I'm too tired for that (it's half past midnight and I'm sick. I really hate being sick) so I'll just cut straight to the chase.**

* * *

Sarah Jane was fairly surprised when she heard the TARDIS while sitting in her garden one evening. She hadn't changed into her sleeping gown yet, and she was immediately happy with that choice, but she had sent Sky to sleep, so she was alone. Considering the fact that it was the Doctor who had decided to visit, maybe it was for the best.

She was even more surprised when the Doctor that opened the door and glanced round was a regeneration she hadn't ever seen before. It was a bit confusing that she didn't know whether he was from her past or her future - how much could she tell him? It was also very disturbing that she didn't know this version of Doctor - she had met so many of them - of _him_ , she corrected herself - that it was strange to see a new one. He looked wild in his loose trousers and hoodie, like he was trying very hard to pass as a teenager even though his hair was completely grey.

He looked around until he spotted her and grinned widely. Okay, so he already knew her, then.

"Hello, Doctor." She smiled at him. She couldn't help it. Not only his obvious enthusiasm was contagious, but she couldn't deny the warm feeling of happiness that spread through her whole being at the joy of seeing him again. "You look so excited that I would think you want me to look at something you've made or discovered."

His smile didn't falter for a second, even despite the fact that her tone wasn't the most amicable and she found that she couldn't hold anything against him. She wondered whether this was a version of the Doctor from before the Time War, taking how carefree he acted and looked.

"Actually, there _is_ something I wanted to show you."

He grabbed her hand. His grip was tight and she could feel his pulse through his skin. Judging by how fast it was, she could tell he was excited.

"Okay, what is it?" She laughed as he pulled her into the TARDIS.

She wasn't particularly surprised by the fact that the ship's interior looked different _again_ , but the blackboards were a nice addition she hadn't anticipated. She barely noticed the groaning of the engines or how the time rotor began rising and falling as they set off, instead more focused on looking around. She only stopped when she realised the TARDIS had landed. The Doctor was looking at her with expectation clear in his gaze.

"Lead the way," she said warmly. He nodded.

"Come on," he encouraged as he first stepped out of the ship, then gently nudged her to do the same. She followed him through the elegant corridor towards a large window at the end. She raised her eyebrows in a silent question, but he just nodded at the window, so she looked out.

The view, once she realised what she was looking at and from where, was breathtaking. It had to be either dawn or dusk because she could see the sun at the edge of the horizon, its light reflecting in the polished metal of the city's spires and domes and further magnifying its brightness. She could spot a mountain range not so far away, indeed covered in snow and a forest just at the feet of the mountains. The sky was a deep red colour, though she was guessing it was just because of the sunrise. The thing that Sarah found the most awe-inspiring was the glass dome surrounding the city, no doubt keeping it airtight and safe from the atmosphere outside. It just seemed appropriate. She had no idea why, but she felt its absence would make the whole image wrong somehow.

She turned her gaze to the Doctor, who was still looking at the landscape with affection. She could tell simply watching the sun rise made him happy.

"You found it." She whispered, for some reason shivering.

"Yes, though it's taken me far too long to do so," he said, reluctantly looking away from the window. "But I'm gonna keep it safe this time. Gallifrey falls no more." He made it sound like a quote. For all she knew, it might have been one.

"You're finally home, then." She could only imagine what he might have been feeling at the moment. In general.

"Home?" He repeated after her. "Yes, I suppose this is my home." He smiled, but this time it seemed somewhat forced. "I'm home."

oooOOO~OOOooo

They were walking through the streets of the city - had been walking for at least half an hour, actually - and Sarah was beginning to see it. The fallout of the War. At first glance it didn't seem that bad, but once she looked closer, she could see what wasn't that easily seen: the gloom in every single Time Lord they passed by, the fallen buildings and people trying to clear it all up... The graves. She wondered how it must have felt for a civilisation of nearly-immortal beings to lose so many in such a short time. The death of a Time Lord had been something exceptional. Now, she could see that not anymore.

Still, there was hope. Just like after every single war in the history of the universe, when life was slowly waking in the desolated ruins and people were trying to live on, there was hope. And usually it was lots of hope. She was kind of proud that it was the Doctor who had given this hope. She could see it quite clearly, how they looked at him with respect. It was good. Especially since they got a few hostile glares and she instinctively knew that they knew she was an alien, but none of them did anything. She suspected it was because of the Doctor.

"Have you considered staying?" She asked.

"Of course." He made it sound as though it should have been obvious, although the idea of him staying at one place for a longer amount of time still seemed ridiculous. "I reckon someone has to be here now to keep an eye on things and make sure the whole system doesn't fall apart. I'm not leading a revolution. It's just a slight adjustment in the political system. It's not all bad, and I don't want to be a radical."

She laughed at that. He pretended not to notice, slightly affronted.

"I know putting everything together from scratch wouldn't be wise, even if I'm tempted sometimes," he explained. "There is just so much that had been being done wrong here that I think that there may not be much to save. But these people aren't all bad, and that's what I want to believe in. That if given proper encouragement, they might just find the right way.

"No, I don't think I'll stay - not for long, at least. Right now I know that they need me, so I'm staying. For now. But I think that once it all settles, I'll get back to my previous lifestyle. I'm not really searching for power here, I just wanted to help out... But still, with Rassilon gone, someone has to lead the Time Lords."

Sarah forced herself to maintain a reverent tone.

"The Doctor, Lord President of Gallifrey." She snickered.

"What?"

"Nothing. It... It suits you, actually." And as she said those words, she realised with some surprise that they were true. "I think this has always been meant for you, somehow."

"Except it's not. I'm not one for ruling. I would make a terrible leader."

"No, I don't think so." Sarah narrowed her eyes thoroughly.

"How come?" He was genuinely surprised.

"You see, you may not be cut out for politics and experienced with diplomacy and everything, and you may not know exactly how to rule a country-"

"Planet." He precised and she sighed.

"-planet, and I know that you definitely don't want to do this with your life, but I can see, just like I think everyone else on this planet can, that you _care_. You care about these people and what will happen to them and I think that, in the end, that is all that counts."

"You really think so?" He hesitated. "That I'm the right choice?"

"Yes." She looked at him. He was genuinely surprised by her words, so she just shook her head. He was never going to learn, was he? She hugged him, even despite his protests. "Yes, I do, Lord President."

* * *

 **A/N: Short, I know. Two explanations:**

 **1) it was meant to be short.*  
** **2) the story with Ten is 13K and growing, so I have a sort of compensation for you.**

 ***This just didn't work for a long chapter. Also, I'm entirely convinced this _isn't_ fluff and I'm actually pretty sure it isn't even romance at all... I'm not sure how this even made its way into this fanfic: this is something more of a... political drama, can I call it that? The only other time I've written anything like it that I can think of is my AC story... _GOD._ I'm rambling again. I've got to stop.**

 **Also, as I'M OVER MY EXAMS and FREE in a sense of understanding (I still have to work on my grades, but there's not much to study for anymore), I hope to get back to writing the requests you guys have sent me, as I let that pile up a bit...**

 **Also, this is going to be a self-promotion, but if you are enjoying this, do check out my Sarah Jane Adventures fanfiction... You may find it is very similar to this one in some ways...**

 **Ever listened to the _Attack on Titan_ soundtrack? It's fantastic.  
** **-Wild**


	12. Announcement

**As I promised, I'm marking this story completed. (I also vaguely remember saying that I'll kill Sarah off with Twelve if the 13th Doctor is a woman, but I don't feel like killing now...)**

 **Hey. It's been fun, this story. Also, it's the first one I've ever 'finished' in some way.**

 **Already missing you guys.**


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